[ little shame. she’s giving it pets again because baby. ]
For something made from some of your repressed negative emotions… it’s still really cute. But you feel kinda responsible for them? [ even though he didn’t make them specifically. ]
Yeah, I think so too. [ the baby purrs under tama's touch. ] But yeah. I...after Nyx summoned them, she tried to send them to attack Will and Bob. I was able to regain control of them and get them to listen to me because they're mine. And when I did, I gave them permission to go and be free. They didn't have to be chained to me anymore. They were able to go and make their own choice how they wanted to live.
But when we were escaping Tartarus to head back to the living world, they followed us. I don't think they wanted to stay hidden in the dark forever either. So they got in our boat and we took them with us. I'd feel pretty bad abandoning any of them now when they just wanted a chance to live and came with us.
[ nico: i will attempt to be a better father than my own father. ]
That’s a pretty good thing though, right? They had the choice to stay, or leave Tartarus and be free if they wanted, but they chose to go with you. They must see something in you they like, otherwise — well. They’re part of you? I don’t think you could hide much from something made from you.
Yeah, I think so. [ fondly... ] And anyway I'm tired of hiding everything. It's easier to figure out everything now that I know what I'm actually confronting and sorting through my past. A little hard to ignore when they keep eating my snacks and stealing my socks.
[ the puff chirps innocently. ]
...at least now when I touch them I'm not instantly reminded of those things either. I'll take that as a win.
I think having them actually does help me move on from the past, if only because I have to actually address it when it's right in my face. The whole...working through childhood trauma and PTSD thing.
...I knew what they were the moment we met. But touching them...drew up the memories of each emotion. It was a little horrifying at first until I learned how to control them.
I’m pretty sure when people say face your trauma they didn’t mean it this way. But… even if it’s unconventional, if it works then that’s the main thing? [ hey kids, here’s your trauma in the form of a cute shadow cat ]
… So, back home that happens any time you touch them? Any time at all? But with filters on, if you remember to use them.
That's the main thing. I think...Nyx wanted to use them as a point, and she didn't think that I was capable of changing the narrative to suit me instead. Jokes on her.
[ ...but he sighs. ] It's better than when we first met. I think knowing who they are and not having them shackled to me has helped. I can touch them without the constant reminders. Or maybe it's that I'm not trying to ignore those pains and I'm working through them, so it doesn't always hurt as much to think about them. It's probably a combination of stuff.
[ shame chirps and purrs inquisitively. ]
For the most part they're learning about themselves, too. What they like, what they want to do. They usually follow me or Will or they play with each other.
Isn't that how all people with delusions of grandeur work? They think they know how everything's gonna pan out and then they're all "it can't be!!" when it doesn't. Same old, same old.
[ (internet meme voice) predictable. ]
I guess it must be a lot for them too. They're suddenly whole beings made from something that shouldn't normally be tangible. It's not quite the same, but I can emphathise with the sensory overload.
See, you get it. It was the same for Kronos, Gaea and Nero before we beat them, too. [ tama he is so tired, please help. ] The methods are always a little different, but eventually once you've fought one war the rest get easier.
[ still... ]
Yeah. When they were first born, they were trying to learn how to walk and control themselves. But now they're getting more intelligent and learning new things. It's less terrifying to be in a wild open world, but it probably helps that they have each other.
[ he says, blatantly ignoring that this could apply to himself, too. ]
Because narcissistic assholes are all cut from the same cloth? There’s a lot of holier than thou being thrown around, but ultimately they all share the same kinds of flaws and weaknesses. Like you said — once you’ve dealt with one, you can use their assumption they’ll always be right against them.
[ powerful. ]
Not being alone is definitely a good thing. It’s a lot easier to figure things out when there’s someone around to catch you if you fall.
There are very fine lines between gods who're on our side and gods who'll sway to a different side. Sometimes they play both sides. But as demigods it's...sort of what we train for our whole lives? Protecting the world from one narcissistic asshole at a time, I guess.
[ simplifying! ]
...does Ryuki do that for you the same way you do it for him? [ it's a curious little question. ]
So... they're using half gods to keep the more asshole-ish, side swapping gods in line. As well as the whole fight-monsters-no-one-else-can-see thing?
[ exhausting. ]
I don't get run down in the same way he does. Or, I didn't. I have the emotions, but it's easy to just debug a system than it is to support and heal a human mind. It's not exactly the same thing. [ ... ] But I'm happier with him that I am without.
We are their children. Since gods aren't really supposed to meddle too much in certain affairs, they delegate to us via quests and the like. They only time they get more hands-on is in the big wars.
[ so yeah! fun. ]
...that makes sense. Sometimes I kind of wish I could just debug my own brain, but still unfortunately mortal. [ but jokes aside...there's a small smile to that. ] I think that counts for something though. Sometimes being around a person is enough.
Parents are supposed to be protecting their kids, not delegating clean up duty for their messes to them. And no, I don’t care if they’re god, that’s just basic parenting in any situation. [ … ] If it’s a big enough issue for the world, then you’d probably have a reason to step in anyway. Otherwise it just sounds like clean-up on aisle five for their own concerns.
[ tama becomes a god anti. ]
If there was a method to debug a human brain there’d be someone very rich out there who marketed the idea by now. But— yeah. I’m happy how I am, and even if it’s not always easy, I wouldn’t have wanted a different partner. No relationship with another person is meant to be all ease, all rainbows, all sunshine anyway.
That's one way to describe it? [ said in the tone of someone who has just grown used to such shenanigans. ] I guess to his credit, Hades has gotten better at actually paying attention and communicating. He's still bad at it, but it's better than it was a few years ago.
[ he hums in agreement because he'd still love to debug his brain, jesus. ]
...I guess that's also true, too. Every the people you always want to be with, sometimes, feel complicated to be around all the time. But it's worth trying to figure it out. If you're happy then...that means more than most things. Even if it'd be nice if some parts were easier.
Well… everyone can be taught. It’s just if they want to listen that’s the issue. A little progress is better than none?
[ wouldn’t we all…. wouldn’t we all…. ]
I kinda think a relationship where no one argues is … not the best one? If you’re not arguing, then someone’s bending to the other’s will, intentionally or not. We’re all different, it’s only natural we’d clash.
A little progress is better. [ he can agree. ] I'll take whatever change I can get.
...and I guess I can agree with that. Not that I like the arguing part but I would rather not let my relationships be complacent because nobody's saying anything.
How do you know when you should be firm and when you should concede to keep the peace in these things? [ curiously. he's mostly interested in her stance on this. ]
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For something made from some of your repressed negative emotions… it’s still really cute. But you feel kinda responsible for them? [ even though he didn’t make them specifically. ]
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But when we were escaping Tartarus to head back to the living world, they followed us. I don't think they wanted to stay hidden in the dark forever either. So they got in our boat and we took them with us. I'd feel pretty bad abandoning any of them now when they just wanted a chance to live and came with us.
[ nico: i will attempt to be a better father than my own father. ]
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That’s a pretty good thing though, right? They had the choice to stay, or leave Tartarus and be free if they wanted, but they chose to go with you. They must see something in you they like, otherwise — well. They’re part of you? I don’t think you could hide much from something made from you.
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[ the puff chirps innocently. ]
...at least now when I touch them I'm not instantly reminded of those things either. I'll take that as a win.
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[ heh. sock thief. ]
Ah, is that was it was like when you first met them?
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...I knew what they were the moment we met. But touching them...drew up the memories of each emotion. It was a little horrifying at first until I learned how to control them.
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… So, back home that happens any time you touch them? Any time at all? But with filters on, if you remember to use them.
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[ ...but he sighs. ] It's better than when we first met. I think knowing who they are and not having them shackled to me has helped. I can touch them without the constant reminders. Or maybe it's that I'm not trying to ignore those pains and I'm working through them, so it doesn't always hurt as much to think about them. It's probably a combination of stuff.
[ shame chirps and purrs inquisitively. ]
For the most part they're learning about themselves, too. What they like, what they want to do. They usually follow me or Will or they play with each other.
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[ (internet meme voice) predictable. ]
I guess it must be a lot for them too. They're suddenly whole beings made from something that shouldn't normally be tangible. It's not quite the same, but I can emphathise with the sensory overload.
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[ still... ]
Yeah. When they were first born, they were trying to learn how to walk and control themselves. But now they're getting more intelligent and learning new things. It's less terrifying to be in a wild open world, but it probably helps that they have each other.
[ he says, blatantly ignoring that this could apply to himself, too. ]
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[ powerful. ]
Not being alone is definitely a good thing. It’s a lot easier to figure things out when there’s someone around to catch you if you fall.
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[ simplifying! ]
...does Ryuki do that for you the same way you do it for him? [ it's a curious little question. ]
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[ exhausting. ]
I don't get run down in the same way he does. Or, I didn't. I have the emotions, but it's easy to just debug a system than it is to support and heal a human mind. It's not exactly the same thing. [ ... ] But I'm happier with him that I am without.
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[ so yeah! fun. ]
...that makes sense. Sometimes I kind of wish I could just debug my own brain, but still unfortunately mortal. [ but jokes aside...there's a small smile to that. ] I think that counts for something though. Sometimes being around a person is enough.
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[ tama becomes a god anti. ]
If there was a method to debug a human brain there’d be someone very rich out there who marketed the idea by now. But— yeah. I’m happy how I am, and even if it’s not always easy, I wouldn’t have wanted a different partner. No relationship with another person is meant to be all ease, all rainbows, all sunshine anyway.
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[ he hums in agreement because he'd still love to debug his brain, jesus. ]
...I guess that's also true, too. Every the people you always want to be with, sometimes, feel complicated to be around all the time. But it's worth trying to figure it out. If you're happy then...that means more than most things. Even if it'd be nice if some parts were easier.
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[ wouldn’t we all…. wouldn’t we all…. ]
I kinda think a relationship where no one argues is … not the best one? If you’re not arguing, then someone’s bending to the other’s will, intentionally or not. We’re all different, it’s only natural we’d clash.
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...and I guess I can agree with that. Not that I like the arguing part but I would rather not let my relationships be complacent because nobody's saying anything.
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Oh, sure. No one wants to be arguing all the time, but sometimes you need to talk to out. Firmly.
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Firmly is a little strong...but I get it. [ why does that actually startle him a little. ]
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How do you know when you should be firm and when you should concede to keep the peace in these things? [ curiously. he's mostly interested in her stance on this. ]
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I guess it’s about not backing down when something matters to you? If you cave, it can’t have mattered that much. Or you might regret it later.
But you don’t want to burn all your bridges in the process. It’s like… knowing when to give and when to stand firm.
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...sounds annoying to have to always figure out. But I guess that makes sense. Some things are worth fighting about and some aren't.
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That's where communication comes in. If something's bothering you, you talk about it. If they dismiss it, then you get serious.
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