[oof those emotions are like a bunch of little punches to the chest. her own emotions are quiet for once. apprehensive, the way a dog in the corner watching someone approach might be.]
... Because he put you and Will up there. And he made you hurt him. [is her guess.]
...yes and no. [ this is where she can probably feel him drawing his emotions back in to quiet them down again. ] I don't know if Mouse is right and that Will would've been there even without Hanako's votes. But I think...if he could do this, why did he save them until the end? Why Will?
And why avoid it and then refuse to answer until he physically couldn't? He...actually seemed to express concern like he gave a shit if Will and I were fine. But maybe that was my mistake for thinking it actually meant anything outside of generally covering his tracks.
I don't know. I don't know why he does anything. He's got weird logic for stuff, and he - he doesn't have a problem with killing people he cares about. [she rubs her face a bit.] He was concerned about the quota getting filled when I talked to him.
So maybe he thought - maybe he thought it'd only count if Will got caught. Or maybe he just didn't want to get voted for. Or maybe he didn't even think. Maybe he just thought it doesn't matter, Will's coming back anyway. [...] I think he probably would've used all of them at the end regardless of whether it was Will or not.
[she glances at nico, with a tired frown.]
He promised me I wasn't going to be the only Tiger left, but he broke that promise to make sure I didn't die. So it's... [hard for her to be mad at him.]
[ he doesn't know if he cares. but that's irrational, so he's thinking it through again. all of that makes sense, but it...changes a few things in his own head that he'll have to deal with on his own later. ]
Yeah, I know. [ he has seen some memories. ] Stupid, when we know the quota's been met plenty of times by people who weren't caught. I think I'd been pretty mad even if it wasn't Will, but I...
[ it's a ripple of almost, like, anguish when he thinks too long about the other part. that people voted a certain way and put the two of them in an arena and forced the two of them to do things they'd promised not to do. it wasn't a three-headed dog versus a large python this time. it was two teenagers who couldn't change things. ]
Not thinking about that, or thinking about it as frivolously as that is dangerous. [ bottom line. but he sighs. ] So he did kill Danny. And Vane. [ because what else could he have done to break the promise of making sure Nimona wasn't the only tiger left? ]
...just like with Danny, I'm not going to tell you how you should feel. If you aren't mad at him, I'm not going to be mad at you for it. You should be able to feel how you feel about it without thinking about my own feelings.
[she looks a little like... sheepish, when he says that. she figured nico's smart enough to make the connection. it wasn't really her secret to tell - but it's a lot of context for why she's finding it hard to just cut hanako out.]
I guess - he just didn't know, you know? I think all of us did. We all knew the Foxes still had to and were going to, they were planning it, but Hanako didn't know. So he freaked out and did the thing that comes naturally to him. [which is murder. like, that's bad. she knows it is, but. knowing his reason for it and knowing that he was doing it to save people in an incredibly fucked up way made the difference for her.
she rubs at her face.]
... He didn't lie to me, either. [which was. very important to her, almost more than anything. he told her the truth.
but she knows it was horrible for nico. she knows the two of them being forced to do what they did was traumatizing, and even if will was going to come back, it would've scarred if it'd just ended like that. it didn't, and she thinks that's important too, but still - it happened at all.]
I'm not not mad. [she says, looking away.] I don't like that it upset you. I don't know.
[ at this rate he's kind of like "well, that's going to be hanako's problem to deal with when they come back" and he thinks that after all of this, he's not going to be the one to defend him.
(worse, he knows other people will. even if they had realized hanako was guilty in the trial itself, there's a chance people would have covered for hanako and things would turn out this way. he's even more grateful now that jolyne had the foresight to realize what might happen.)
he thinks hanako could have just asked foxes if they were covered, like he had asked nico.
but he's not going to try to justify these things. ]
It wasn't his place to meddle. And if his concern was a Fox murdering, this doesn't explain killing Vane, too, except to cover his own tracks and leave a different Fox to take the fall. [ which is still, like, not entirely okay. because he doesn't think it would have counted toward the fox quota if vane was compelled, but what does he know? ]
...I know he's important to you. So I'm not putting you in the middle of this. [ but it's also undeniable he's upset about it for multiple reasons, including ones he hasn't said. ]
[she's quiet again. when she shifts, all the flowers are wilting.]
No, but I'm not dumb, Nico, I know you're mad. [she can feel it. and it's a little like danny, too, where he told her she didn't have to forgive him, but she felt bad for being the only one who didn't.
she doesn't like morals, actually, and friends are hard.]
You know I'm not - trying to make excuses for him. [...] I don't know what I'm doing.
...I'm not denying that I'm mad. I'm kind of furious because...I promised to help him, too. And I should have been more careful. And I get that maybe people don't really understand or think it's an exaggeration how much I need Will, but...[ but moving away from that, even. he shrugs because he feels frustrated, and a little ashamed in a weird, sort of fucked up angle. ] I know you're not making excuses, but you have a different friendship with him than I do. You know things a little better. I don't think you have to know what you're doing all the time though. None of us really do.
[she rubs at her nose angrily with her free hand. wrinkles her expression up stubbornly. she's all over the place - there's that kind of like about to cry emotion that she is swallowing down roughly, with a lot of guilt and a lot of something that feels a little like loyalty being pulled at in two different directions. it's a bad position, but she knows he's not putting her in the middle of it, making an effort to.
so she just takes a second, and calms down.]
Okay. [...] Can we go back to figuring out what we're doing for Ace and Reigen?
[ he hates that emotion, actually, and shifts his own to be a little lighter. or, at least, try. he takes a breath, frowning softly before he nods. he refuses to make her choose anything like this. ]
...yeah. [ please. ] Flags for Ace, treats for Reigen. The teapot came in this morning, and I've got some ideas of a blend. Did we still want to try to make him ramen? We can do something extra for Ace, too.
Something mild. Like vanilla and lemon and something else. [ but he grins to that. ] Spaghetti? Seriously? I mean we could. ...I think I remember how to make this sauce my mom used for our pastas when I was really little.
[she likes that, which he can probably tell. swingy hands...]
Yeah, I don't know what his weird obsession with it is. [she manages a little smile.] ... That'd be kind of cool, you know? If you shared a little bit of yourself like that.
[she doesn't have anything like that, but she likes the idea.]
Why does Ace like anything? [ haha. ] Let's go shopping tomorrow then. We can make everything fresh and then haul it onto the boat for everybody with our aquarium and hang out like we all used to.
[there's a little pause, and then she tugs at his hand, and gives him a hug. a very tight hug, arms around his shoulders, face hidden. her emotions are just a lot of things but mostly overwhelmed, because it's relief and that's waiting for christmas morning feeling and still a little bit of guilt, and something that feels a little like wandering into a warm room.]
[ oh. okay. he hugs her back just as tightly to keep her close and secure. he doesn't quite know why she needs this, simply that she does and that's enough for him. ]
I got one with Temenos earlier, it was - like, this one with a bum fin, it couldn't swim fast. [... she soulbonded to this fish for reasons.] So he needs friends. Trash bag it is.
Nemo... [ he's really out here just saying shit that means nothing, but he shakes his head. ] You're right, he definitely needs friends. Lots of friends. We can probably steal a trash bag from one of the food places and water. Where'd you park the boat?
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... Because he put you and Will up there. And he made you hurt him. [is her guess.]
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And why avoid it and then refuse to answer until he physically couldn't? He...actually seemed to express concern like he gave a shit if Will and I were fine. But maybe that was my mistake for thinking it actually meant anything outside of generally covering his tracks.
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I don't know. I don't know why he does anything. He's got weird logic for stuff, and he - he doesn't have a problem with killing people he cares about. [she rubs her face a bit.] He was concerned about the quota getting filled when I talked to him.
So maybe he thought - maybe he thought it'd only count if Will got caught. Or maybe he just didn't want to get voted for. Or maybe he didn't even think. Maybe he just thought it doesn't matter, Will's coming back anyway. [...] I think he probably would've used all of them at the end regardless of whether it was Will or not.
[she glances at nico, with a tired frown.]
He promised me I wasn't going to be the only Tiger left, but he broke that promise to make sure I didn't die. So it's... [hard for her to be mad at him.]
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Yeah, I know. [ he has seen some memories. ] Stupid, when we know the quota's been met plenty of times by people who weren't caught. I think I'd been pretty mad even if it wasn't Will, but I...
[ it's a ripple of almost, like, anguish when he thinks too long about the other part. that people voted a certain way and put the two of them in an arena and forced the two of them to do things they'd promised not to do. it wasn't a three-headed dog versus a large python this time. it was two teenagers who couldn't change things. ]
Not thinking about that, or thinking about it as frivolously as that is dangerous. [ bottom line. but he sighs. ] So he did kill Danny. And Vane. [ because what else could he have done to break the promise of making sure Nimona wasn't the only tiger left? ]
...just like with Danny, I'm not going to tell you how you should feel. If you aren't mad at him, I'm not going to be mad at you for it. You should be able to feel how you feel about it without thinking about my own feelings.
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I guess - he just didn't know, you know? I think all of us did. We all knew the Foxes still had to and were going to, they were planning it, but Hanako didn't know. So he freaked out and did the thing that comes naturally to him. [which is murder. like, that's bad. she knows it is, but. knowing his reason for it and knowing that he was doing it to save people in an incredibly fucked up way made the difference for her.
she rubs at her face.]
... He didn't lie to me, either. [which was. very important to her, almost more than anything. he told her the truth.
but she knows it was horrible for nico. she knows the two of them being forced to do what they did was traumatizing, and even if will was going to come back, it would've scarred if it'd just ended like that. it didn't, and she thinks that's important too, but still - it happened at all.]
I'm not not mad. [she says, looking away.] I don't like that it upset you. I don't know.
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(worse, he knows other people will. even if they had realized hanako was guilty in the trial itself, there's a chance people would have covered for hanako and things would turn out this way. he's even more grateful now that jolyne had the foresight to realize what might happen.)
he thinks hanako could have just asked foxes if they were covered, like he had asked nico.
but he's not going to try to justify these things. ]
It wasn't his place to meddle. And if his concern was a Fox murdering, this doesn't explain killing Vane, too, except to cover his own tracks and leave a different Fox to take the fall. [ which is still, like, not entirely okay. because he doesn't think it would have counted toward the fox quota if vane was compelled, but what does he know? ]
...I know he's important to you. So I'm not putting you in the middle of this. [ but it's also undeniable he's upset about it for multiple reasons, including ones he hasn't said. ]
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No, but I'm not dumb, Nico, I know you're mad. [she can feel it. and it's a little like danny, too, where he told her she didn't have to forgive him, but she felt bad for being the only one who didn't.
she doesn't like morals, actually, and friends are hard.]
You know I'm not - trying to make excuses for him. [...] I don't know what I'm doing.
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...I'm not denying that I'm mad. I'm kind of furious because...I promised to help him, too. And I should have been more careful. And I get that maybe people don't really understand or think it's an exaggeration how much I need Will, but...[ but moving away from that, even. he shrugs because he feels frustrated, and a little ashamed in a weird, sort of fucked up angle. ] I know you're not making excuses, but you have a different friendship with him than I do. You know things a little better. I don't think you have to know what you're doing all the time though. None of us really do.
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so she just takes a second, and calms down.]
Okay. [...] Can we go back to figuring out what we're doing for Ace and Reigen?
[that feels a little safer.]
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...yeah. [ please. ] Flags for Ace, treats for Reigen. The teapot came in this morning, and I've got some ideas of a blend. Did we still want to try to make him ramen? We can do something extra for Ace, too.
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Um - yeah. I do. [she clears her throat.] What kind of blend? And -- we can do something for Ace too, with the food.
[a beat, and then a weak attempt at a joke:] He kept talking about putting spaghetti on my stupid flag, maybe we should make that.
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Something mild. Like vanilla and lemon and something else. [ but he grins to that. ] Spaghetti? Seriously? I mean we could. ...I think I remember how to make this sauce my mom used for our pastas when I was really little.
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Yeah, I don't know what his weird obsession with it is. [she manages a little smile.] ... That'd be kind of cool, you know? If you shared a little bit of yourself like that.
[she doesn't have anything like that, but she likes the idea.]
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[ simple, happy things. ]
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...everything's going to be better soon.
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Yeah. [she says, quietly.] It will be.
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...in the meantime, how're we gonna smuggle the fish out? [ WHY IS THAT THE PLAN. ]
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Good question. [...] If we just got a bag and put them in it there's nothing the guy could do about it.
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I got one with Temenos earlier, it was - like, this one with a bum fin, it couldn't swim fast. [... she soulbonded to this fish for reasons.] So he needs friends. Trash bag it is.
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Nemo... [ he's really out here just saying shit that means nothing, but he shakes his head. ] You're right, he definitely needs friends. Lots of friends. We can probably steal a trash bag from one of the food places and water. Where'd you park the boat?
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[helpful, nimona.]
... I can distract the guy while you scoop the fish? And then run. [GREAT PLAN I GUESS]
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