[she doesn't even protest she's just. all twisted up inside. she holds out her hand. it's not bleeding anymore but it's clear she did not even look at it twice, so it's gross and clotted.
[ he will just. lead her onward. we're going to phoenix dorm binch, but it's a bit of a walk. ]
It doesn't matter if it hurts. It's more about keeping it clean so it doesn't get infected, and...taking care of yourself. [ a pause. ] But I've let worse injuries sit for a while, too. It's not always a priority when there are bigger problems.
Like everything's numb when you take hits? [ huh. ] ...I think there's a difference between taking care of yourself when you absolutely have to and taking care of yourself because you actually care about yourself. That's all.
[ hm...he leads her through the lobby and up to the second floor. love that this before they get arrested. but he's leading her to the bathroom he shares with lillium and kind of shutting the door so he can start gathering supplies to clean her hand. ]
[ he just sort of hums to that and gestures for her to have a seat on the counter near the sink. there is space for her, and he's turning on the water to fill a small bowl and grab a towel. cleaning... ]
...my powers are really strong, but they can be really draining, too. And a little dangerous. Sometimes I pass out immediately after and have to spend a little while resting to recharge. Once I was out for three days. And some of my powers can tear me apart if I'm not careful. But I've always managed to take care of myself just fine.
[ dabbing at the blood just to get it off and make the hand less nasty. ]
It eventually took someone bullying me into being under strict bedrest and a watchful eye for three days before it kind of clicked I didn't always have to do it by myself. And even that took some arguing. But I learned some stuff in those three days anyway.
That's not how mine really work. [she says, before she can stop herself. because - she trusts him, maybe, to tell him a little about herself. about her powers, about what she's like.
but she gets that's not what he's getting at, necessarily.]
... I don't really have anybody back in my world to tell me to do those things. [she's not used to it.]
[ he's interested how it works, and the slight glance he gives her says as much. it's a little more openly curious than usual but he still isn't going to outright ask her to talk. he's always figured if nimona wants to share, she will.
kind of right now. the power conversation can be shelved briefly because he does have a point. ]
It can take a really, really long time. I had someone like that once, but...things changed. [ ...he thinks maybe she won't ask questions about this, but he is careful in what he says. ] It took almost a hundred years to find someone else. And I didn't really find them. They found me when I let them.
[ he has kind of figured most of nimona's brash behavior and acting out and keeping people away from her has spawned from a lifetime of loneliness and loss because he was (and is) similar in many ways.
he hadn't quite guessed a thousand years, admittedly. but she's not the first person he's encountered who's suffered alone for many years. so he holds her hand for a moment, mostly to show he's listening before he continues, rinsing the cloth to go at it again. ]
Not very easily. [ he sounds a little amused, more because he thinks back on his own behavior and finds it silly now. ] ...there was trouble, and we needed to work together to fix it. At first I didn't know how well we'd do, especially since I had been gone for so long. But we were a good team when we trusted each other to watch each other's backs. Prior to that, I'd already decided that when I finished my work there I'd be leaving again. And they knew it. I didn't belong there. I didn't have anywhere I belonged then, and I knew I wasn't wanted. It's what I believed was true at that point, and they got really angry with me. We argued a little, and even after that I didn't believe them. They'd tried to tell me I was pushing myself away, and that there were people who would like to keep me around. But they didn't know what they were talking about, right? Nobody knows me better than me.
[ he pauses to focus on his work. ]
And then...I did something that wasn't great. It was necessary, but it was still...something a normal person shouldn't resort to. Someone died for it, and I didn't regret it back then. It had to happen that way. So naturally I thought that they would think of me as a monster, too. After all, I let it happen, didn't I? I could have tried harder to find another way. As things were winding down, we didn't really speak again. I assumed they wouldn't want to. We're complete opposites so it would only make sense they wised up and realized I was too different and didn't belong.
I avoided them. But I stayed longer than I intended to. Maybe...I wanted to catch up with other friends. Maybe I was secretly hoping they'd come back and prove me wrong. It was a stupid thing to hope for, but three days later they asked me to come speak to them. So I did.
[ by now he's drying her hand and he's shaking his head. ]
That's about when I got told how stupid I was for wanting to leave and how frustrated they were that I hadn't spoken to them for those three days while they were busy and how completely dense I was not to know my friend wanted me to come see them. Not long before, I had made a decision to stay, and I decided to tell them that. I think the phrasing was, "Good. So you may be dense, but you’re not an idiot."
And then like I said, I got bullied into infirmary rest for three days. I could have left any time I wanted. But I stayed long enough for them to talk to me and give them time to prove they weren't going to leave. [ he pauses again to look at her. ] Trusting someone is literally the scariest thing in the world. And I would know. I know a lot of scary things. I am a scary thing. But I let myself try to stay for them. And they proved me wrong that I'd never find someone who cared as much.
[she watches him clean her hand, and she listens to him talk to her, and it strikes her how similar this feels to someone else, not so long ago. because sure, ballister is a whole different story, but this feels a little like him freaking out over the arrow in her leg. it'd never really mattered to anybody else. but this mattered enough to nico to weather whatever attitude she had, to take her all the way here and to give her a bit of himself in the form of a story.
when she answers, she's looking down at her hand, where he's drying it off. she can't quite look him in the eye, but this is - forward, for her. this is a step forward, away from the edge that she's been teetering on.]
I'm the scariest thing there is. [she says, slowly.] And I always have been. Do people ever look at you like you're going to rip them to shreds?
[she doesn't really wait for him to answer that, because it's not all that important. he probably has.]
And you get tired of it after a while. You always want someone to prove you wrong but nobody ever does, and -- and. [she's just talking, now, saying her thoughts out loud, which she never does. but nico's comforting. he reached out to her. one weird kid to another. a monster to a monster, honesty for honesty.]
Rocket did. [she says, finally, disjointed. and she looks at him.] I don't know what I'm doing.
[she's just old, and tired, and sad, and after today, nothing makes sense.]
[ well. he really doesn't have to answer because she moves on and he seems to think she knows what his answer would have been regardless. he continues being gentle in his movements to see if the wounds themselves even need to be bandaged or if they're good now that they're clean, being polite enough not to force eye contact and let her air out the thoughts she needs to.
when she does look up, he meets her gaze and ponders quietly on how to move onward. ]
Do any of us? [ wry, equally tired, and maybe for once it's more clear this is a child who has lived a life that's been full of confusing and sad things and still doesn't always quite know where his place is. ] You're always going to be a little tired and you're always going to second-guess when people prove you wrong because it's been so long that you can't really imagine why a person would want you around. Or why they think you're a good person, or how a good person would ever want to keep you by their side.
But I guess...all we can do is try to figure it out, and if people keep reaching out we try to meet them halfway. It's not always going to be perfect, but after a while you just know when people get it.
[ that said... ]
I'm sorry. About Rocket. I don't know what yet, but we'll figure something out. [ because he still thinks of himself as someone who can figure out the workings of living and dead, even if that isn't true here. ]
[her hand seems fine, now that it's clean. it looked way worse than it was, because it hadn't been taken care of - all it took was someone paying attention.
she doesn't think she's a good person, and she's not sure that people will want to stick around her, but that's kind of what he's saying, isn't it? that you gotta try, or you'll never figure it out, and you'll always be on the outside looking in, and that sounds so simple but nobody has ever said this to her before.
it kind of makes her want to bolt, but she doesn't, for now.]
I didn't really know him that long. [... but it still hurt really bad, and she's still bleeding out on the inside because of it, but - someone is paying attention to it now. so it'll get better.]
I'm not mad at Mika. [just so he knows.
carefully, she holds his wrist again. maybe a bit to comfort him, maybe a bit to comfort her. maybe as a thank you.]
[ he's fine with letting her hold his wrist. he tenses a little under the touch at first, if only because even with as much as he's improved he's not always one that likes to be touched. but for her, he allows it.
sometimes you really do just need someone pointing out the most obvious things to really consider them. he wouldn't be surprised if she left to wall herself off again. there are still times he'd love to do that himself (and times he does, still.) but she stays, and there's a bit of relief there. ]
I don't think that really matters when it comes to a connection with somebody. I've known people for short periods of time and they changed my outlook on things. [ ... ] I can't be mad at Mika either. Not after the way she spoke at the trial and the results that came from it.
[ not after it was very clear to him that she already expected to be villainized for something that was really just an accident, no matter what people said. ]
[yeah. it took all the wind out of her sails, to know that mika was expecting people to hate her, that she had that primed and ready to go. it felt too personal.
I liked that you have wings on it. It made us match.
she exhales slowly. she doesn't have anything else to say that he hasn't already said so much better than she can.]
... My hand feels better. [because she can't just say that he is making her feel less like she's crazy for feeling the way she does.]
[ it sure as fuck did. but...he nods to that and still doesn't pull away. ]
Good, I'm glad. Even though the cuts aren't bad, it always helps to try and clean what you can. Kind of the first step to healing.
[ he seems to get that this could apply to also internal healing, but he's not going to think too hard about that when nico himself is still very much a person trying to figure that out. ]
[ good. that's about all he can really do is be a brat right back. sometimes it's nice to have someone else who speaks your language. ]
Yeah, but don't tell him. I don't think he knows and I don't want him getting any ideas. [ he's good with giving her an out. this was a lot of vulnerability for one day. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w0 saturday
Let me see your hand.
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it didn't hurt that bad.]
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Will you let me clean this up? I know you probably don't care about it, but we should take care of it. [ also they could use a distraction. ]
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[she's used to way worse!]
... Thanks.
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It doesn't matter if it hurts. It's more about keeping it clean so it doesn't get infected, and...taking care of yourself. [ a pause. ] But I've let worse injuries sit for a while, too. It's not always a priority when there are bigger problems.
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she shrugs a bit.]
I mean I just don't feel it, usually. [...] I take care of myself.
[that is maybe a little protesty, but in a pouty way.]
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[ into the lobby they gooo. ]
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I care about myself. [she huffs.] I'm the only thing that cares.
[he's right though. she's bullshitting because it really is the former, most of the time.]
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Do you think that's still true here?
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[it just seems like... self indulgent to think that other people give a shit about her, so she doesn't indulge.
she will man standing in the middle of the bathroom and wait for him to direct her... this isn't her house what does she do.]
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...my powers are really strong, but they can be really draining, too. And a little dangerous. Sometimes I pass out immediately after and have to spend a little while resting to recharge. Once I was out for three days. And some of my powers can tear me apart if I'm not careful. But I've always managed to take care of myself just fine.
[ dabbing at the blood just to get it off and make the hand less nasty. ]
It eventually took someone bullying me into being under strict bedrest and a watchful eye for three days before it kind of clicked I didn't always have to do it by myself. And even that took some arguing. But I learned some stuff in those three days anyway.
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That's not how mine really work. [she says, before she can stop herself. because - she trusts him, maybe, to tell him a little about herself. about her powers, about what she's like.
but she gets that's not what he's getting at, necessarily.]
... I don't really have anybody back in my world to tell me to do those things. [she's not used to it.]
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kind of right now. the power conversation can be shelved briefly because he does have a point. ]
It can take a really, really long time. I had someone like that once, but...things changed. [ ...he thinks maybe she won't ask questions about this, but he is careful in what he says. ] It took almost a hundred years to find someone else. And I didn't really find them. They found me when I let them.
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for now, she listens, and with as socially stupid as she can be, she gets that he's telling her something important. silence, for a minute.]
... It's been a thousand, for me. [she says, quietly.] And - I thought. I thought I found someone, but they turned on me too.
[a beat.]
How did you let them?
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he hadn't quite guessed a thousand years, admittedly. but she's not the first person he's encountered who's suffered alone for many years. so he holds her hand for a moment, mostly to show he's listening before he continues, rinsing the cloth to go at it again. ]
Not very easily. [ he sounds a little amused, more because he thinks back on his own behavior and finds it silly now. ] ...there was trouble, and we needed to work together to fix it. At first I didn't know how well we'd do, especially since I had been gone for so long. But we were a good team when we trusted each other to watch each other's backs. Prior to that, I'd already decided that when I finished my work there I'd be leaving again. And they knew it. I didn't belong there. I didn't have anywhere I belonged then, and I knew I wasn't wanted. It's what I believed was true at that point, and they got really angry with me. We argued a little, and even after that I didn't believe them. They'd tried to tell me I was pushing myself away, and that there were people who would like to keep me around. But they didn't know what they were talking about, right? Nobody knows me better than me.
[ he pauses to focus on his work. ]
And then...I did something that wasn't great. It was necessary, but it was still...something a normal person shouldn't resort to. Someone died for it, and I didn't regret it back then. It had to happen that way. So naturally I thought that they would think of me as a monster, too. After all, I let it happen, didn't I? I could have tried harder to find another way. As things were winding down, we didn't really speak again. I assumed they wouldn't want to. We're complete opposites so it would only make sense they wised up and realized I was too different and didn't belong.
I avoided them. But I stayed longer than I intended to. Maybe...I wanted to catch up with other friends. Maybe I was secretly hoping they'd come back and prove me wrong. It was a stupid thing to hope for, but three days later they asked me to come speak to them. So I did.
[ by now he's drying her hand and he's shaking his head. ]
That's about when I got told how stupid I was for wanting to leave and how frustrated they were that I hadn't spoken to them for those three days while they were busy and how completely dense I was not to know my friend wanted me to come see them. Not long before, I had made a decision to stay, and I decided to tell them that. I think the phrasing was, "Good. So you may be dense, but you’re not an idiot."
And then like I said, I got bullied into infirmary rest for three days. I could have left any time I wanted. But I stayed long enough for them to talk to me and give them time to prove they weren't going to leave. [ he pauses again to look at her. ] Trusting someone is literally the scariest thing in the world. And I would know. I know a lot of scary things. I am a scary thing. But I let myself try to stay for them. And they proved me wrong that I'd never find someone who cared as much.
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when she answers, she's looking down at her hand, where he's drying it off. she can't quite look him in the eye, but this is - forward, for her. this is a step forward, away from the edge that she's been teetering on.]
I'm the scariest thing there is. [she says, slowly.] And I always have been. Do people ever look at you like you're going to rip them to shreds?
[she doesn't really wait for him to answer that, because it's not all that important. he probably has.]
And you get tired of it after a while. You always want someone to prove you wrong but nobody ever does, and -- and. [she's just talking, now, saying her thoughts out loud, which she never does. but nico's comforting. he reached out to her. one weird kid to another. a monster to a monster, honesty for honesty.]
Rocket did. [she says, finally, disjointed. and she looks at him.] I don't know what I'm doing.
[she's just old, and tired, and sad, and after today, nothing makes sense.]
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when she does look up, he meets her gaze and ponders quietly on how to move onward. ]
Do any of us? [ wry, equally tired, and maybe for once it's more clear this is a child who has lived a life that's been full of confusing and sad things and still doesn't always quite know where his place is. ] You're always going to be a little tired and you're always going to second-guess when people prove you wrong because it's been so long that you can't really imagine why a person would want you around. Or why they think you're a good person, or how a good person would ever want to keep you by their side.
But I guess...all we can do is try to figure it out, and if people keep reaching out we try to meet them halfway. It's not always going to be perfect, but after a while you just know when people get it.
[ that said... ]
I'm sorry. About Rocket. I don't know what yet, but we'll figure something out. [ because he still thinks of himself as someone who can figure out the workings of living and dead, even if that isn't true here. ]
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she doesn't think she's a good person, and she's not sure that people will want to stick around her, but that's kind of what he's saying, isn't it? that you gotta try, or you'll never figure it out, and you'll always be on the outside looking in, and that sounds so simple but nobody has ever said this to her before.
it kind of makes her want to bolt, but she doesn't, for now.]
I didn't really know him that long. [... but it still hurt really bad, and she's still bleeding out on the inside because of it, but - someone is paying attention to it now. so it'll get better.]
I'm not mad at Mika. [just so he knows.
carefully, she holds his wrist again. maybe a bit to comfort him, maybe a bit to comfort her. maybe as a thank you.]
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sometimes you really do just need someone pointing out the most obvious things to really consider them. he wouldn't be surprised if she left to wall herself off again. there are still times he'd love to do that himself (and times he does, still.) but she stays, and there's a bit of relief there. ]
I don't think that really matters when it comes to a connection with somebody. I've known people for short periods of time and they changed my outlook on things. [ ... ] I can't be mad at Mika either. Not after the way she spoke at the trial and the results that came from it.
[ not after it was very clear to him that she already expected to be villainized for something that was really just an accident, no matter what people said. ]
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I liked that you have wings on it. It made us match.
she exhales slowly. she doesn't have anything else to say that he hasn't already said so much better than she can.]
... My hand feels better. [because she can't just say that he is making her feel less like she's crazy for feeling the way she does.]
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Good, I'm glad. Even though the cuts aren't bad, it always helps to try and clean what you can. Kind of the first step to healing.
[ he seems to get that this could apply to also internal healing, but he's not going to think too hard about that when nico himself is still very much a person trying to figure that out. ]
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You're so naggy. [there is 0 heat to this, she just has to scrape together some brattiness so that she can stop feeling vulnerable!!]
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anyway she says that and he just uses his free hand to flick her in the forehead teasingly. ]
Excuse me for dating a doctor and having to hear that on repeat every time I get a simple scratch. [ exaggerating. mostly. ]
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Ew, gross, it's like you like him or something! [teasing!!!]
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Yeah, but don't tell him. I don't think he knows and I don't want him getting any ideas. [ he's good with giving her an out. this was a lot of vulnerability for one day. ]
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