No, I didn't. I couldn't. [her voice breaks a little.] My lantern went out and I lost control of my shape. And I turned on the other three.
[she was so, so lonely. she watched one more person that she loves leave, and it turns out the worst version of it isn't when they think you're a monster, it's when they love you back, and they don't want to leave you.]
[just him being here is the only reason she hasn't thrown herself off a building, so - it helps. it helps a little to talk through it, to get it out where it won't rot.]
The fox guy stabbed me. I asked him to. [she's so noisy about being horrible, about being evil and monstrous, but - she doesn't want to hurt people. not the people who don't deserve it.]
[ really hate that nico is the only one of my characters who understands how therapy works. so he's brushing back her hair and he's holding her and he's frowning into space suddenly realizing why nimona didn't care very much about kogi. ]
Possibly. It's hard to tell what happens in those spaces. What's real and what isn't, and what does and doesn't count as death. [ ... ] I didn't...really tell you about this. When Will, Reigen and I were gone. A lot of the damage Will and I took came from each other. We...lost our shape, too. Turned into other things, and all we wanted to do was hurt each other to try and stop our own hurt.
[ why is he telling her this... ]
...just because it happened in there doesn't mean it's all that would happen here. Or that that's the only ending you can have. I want you to know that.
[yeah sometimes a guy stabs you and you don't really want to see him again even if he did do what you asked him to
she's quiet for a second, as she hears that. familiar. it's familiar, and she guesses that makes sense, considering it was a twisted version of her history.
she just... leans forward, and puts her forehead against his shoulder.]
[ he does his job of petting over her hair carefully and once again trying to hold her up and clean her off and be supportive while he nods to that. he doesn't make her sit up either. ]
It's hard. I know it is. But I'm not about to let you forget it.
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[she shakes her head.]
No, I didn't. I couldn't. [her voice breaks a little.] My lantern went out and I lost control of my shape. And I turned on the other three.
[she was so, so lonely. she watched one more person that she loves leave, and it turns out the worst version of it isn't when they think you're a monster, it's when they love you back, and they don't want to leave you.]
Most of their injuries came from me.
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... [ he doesn't actually know what to say right now, because he isn't sure what will help, isn't sure if what he has to say will help or hurt. ]
Were you able to regain control? Were the other three able to help...? [ how did this end, and he hates that he has to ask. ]
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The fox guy stabbed me. I asked him to. [she's so noisy about being horrible, about being evil and monstrous, but - she doesn't want to hurt people. not the people who don't deserve it.]
I think I died. I'm not sure.
no subject
Possibly. It's hard to tell what happens in those spaces. What's real and what isn't, and what does and doesn't count as death. [ ... ] I didn't...really tell you about this. When Will, Reigen and I were gone. A lot of the damage Will and I took came from each other. We...lost our shape, too. Turned into other things, and all we wanted to do was hurt each other to try and stop our own hurt.
[ why is he telling her this... ]
...just because it happened in there doesn't mean it's all that would happen here. Or that that's the only ending you can have. I want you to know that.
no subject
she's quiet for a second, as she hears that. familiar. it's familiar, and she guesses that makes sense, considering it was a twisted version of her history.
she just... leans forward, and puts her forehead against his shoulder.]
I'm trying. [to remember that.]
no subject
It's hard. I know it is. But I'm not about to let you forget it.