[she's really not ready to be there, honestly, the vibes were so fucking bad in the penthouse. she swallows hard, and leans against him.
she doesn't answer for a long moment, and then:]
Jolyne can solve Sigrun's, then. [she says, with a sort of bitterness.] Because I want to rip whoever did this to Reigen in two.
[she knows she shouldn't say this because watch it end up being like, rita or something, it's just. she feels so empty. her heart has taken such a beating this week, she can't take much more of it.]
He wanted to be better. [...] I couldn't - I couldn't make him see how good he already was.
[ he's silent for a little longer...and there's a faint sniff from under his hood before he sort of laughs hollowly. ]
I know. [ because. it was obvious. it was obvious reigen didn't think he was actually a good person, that reigen thought he was self-serving, that reigen was lonely in ways that he both could and couldn't understand but that reigen was also one of the few people who despite billing himself as a liar managed to always be genuine and straightforward with him.
maybe he's delusional for thinking this. maybe reigen really was just saying things to make himself feel better and look better. but...he thinks about the pieces of advice he never asked for. thinks about a reigen who hadn't judged him for being the way he was. thinks about a reigen who left his own fucking party to come and find him when he was too weak to help himself. thinks about a reigen who recognized that all four of them (rita, too, because of course rita's the same brand of maladjusted nico, will and nimona are on the other end of the scale) just needed someone willing to try, and his anger flares all over again. ]
They won't survive after tomorrow. [ he seems sure of it. ] Sigrun...I want to understand, but I have a feeling it was an easy target because of that stupid rule. I can't accept it for that, but it...I would be lying if I said I felt they were equal. I can't accept Reigen's at all. Not after everything. Not after what it's done to Saya, too.
[it never made any sense to her - maybe she's just more intuitive than she thinks, but reigen always insisted he sucked in some fashion to her and she never saw it. the very first week, when he came to her and tried to offer her food, tried to make her feel less alone in the wake of rocket's death, he sealed it then. by offering out his hand to a bunch of stupid kids who had been different all their lives, and treating them like people.
she doesn't give loyalty like this often, or ever. but she put herself on the line for him, she tried to protect him before she even knew he'd killed in self defense. and it'd felt right, and natural.
and he never realized. he never quite got to a point where he stopped beating himself up for screwing up once, when he'd done a pretty fucking alright job with the little family they've pulled together over the past few weeks.
he saw the worst parts of her, and he never backed away. he was never scared of her. not once.]
Saya was - she's so upset. [she says, after a minute. she's just so tired.] We talked about hurting whoever did it. I told her not to get voted for.
[a pause.] I'll do whatever I have to in order to figure this out.
[ ...he sort of just tips his head to rest on hers which means she's being bonked with some fabric from his hood. ]
Yeah, I went to find her, too. I told her that we'd back her up on whatever she wanted to do and that none of us were going to let the culprit escape unscathed tomorrow. So at least we're all in agreement on that.
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no subject
she doesn't answer for a long moment, and then:]
Jolyne can solve Sigrun's, then. [she says, with a sort of bitterness.] Because I want to rip whoever did this to Reigen in two.
[she knows she shouldn't say this because watch it end up being like, rita or something, it's just. she feels so empty. her heart has taken such a beating this week, she can't take much more of it.]
He wanted to be better. [...] I couldn't - I couldn't make him see how good he already was.
no subject
I know. [ because. it was obvious. it was obvious reigen didn't think he was actually a good person, that reigen thought he was self-serving, that reigen was lonely in ways that he both could and couldn't understand but that reigen was also one of the few people who despite billing himself as a liar managed to always be genuine and straightforward with him.
maybe he's delusional for thinking this. maybe reigen really was just saying things to make himself feel better and look better. but...he thinks about the pieces of advice he never asked for. thinks about a reigen who hadn't judged him for being the way he was. thinks about a reigen who left his own fucking party to come and find him when he was too weak to help himself. thinks about a reigen who recognized that all four of them (rita, too, because of course rita's the same brand of maladjusted nico, will and nimona are on the other end of the scale) just needed someone willing to try, and his anger flares all over again. ]
They won't survive after tomorrow. [ he seems sure of it. ] Sigrun...I want to understand, but I have a feeling it was an easy target because of that stupid rule. I can't accept it for that, but it...I would be lying if I said I felt they were equal. I can't accept Reigen's at all. Not after everything. Not after what it's done to Saya, too.
no subject
she doesn't give loyalty like this often, or ever. but she put herself on the line for him, she tried to protect him before she even knew he'd killed in self defense. and it'd felt right, and natural.
and he never realized. he never quite got to a point where he stopped beating himself up for screwing up once, when he'd done a pretty fucking alright job with the little family they've pulled together over the past few weeks.
he saw the worst parts of her, and he never backed away. he was never scared of her. not once.]
Saya was - she's so upset. [she says, after a minute. she's just so tired.] We talked about hurting whoever did it. I told her not to get voted for.
[a pause.] I'll do whatever I have to in order to figure this out.
no subject
Yeah, I went to find her, too. I told her that we'd back her up on whatever she wanted to do and that none of us were going to let the culprit escape unscathed tomorrow. So at least we're all in agreement on that.