[she hesitates, because she's kind of embarrassed.
she donks her head against his shoulder.]
I wanted to be a pirate. With him. And you, and Will, and like, Hanako, maybe, or Saya. Anybody who wanted. Ace said - he said at night, the stars reflect on the ocean, so it looks like you're surrounded by it on all sides. Like it could go on forever.
I already told him I was going to look into options. [ first of all. and this...is something he didn't want to tell her. ] On Monday. That's what I saw. I saw when it happened the first time, and how it happened. And I didn't...I couldn't. It wasn't fair to know why it happened, or how the world treated him back then.
[ and he'd cried then, too, because it was a feeling he understood way too well, and seeing someone he had come to love die like that was just a little too much on his unstable mind. ]
I asked if he would let me find a way for him. I think he thought it might be selfish, but...he wanted to go back to Luffy. If I could accomplish anything at all. He had a promise to fulfill to Sabo, and he can't if he never went home.
[she didn't ever see his death memory, but she didn't have to - he just told her. before that, though, it'd been about a world who didn't want him. and boy, did she relate to that.]
He has to go home. [...] He has to. I can't bring people back to life and he doesn't even have to - he doesn't have to bring me with him, but he has to live. So I'll do whatever I can.
...I'll figure out something. For him. And for Hanako's friend. And I'll figure out how to bring back anybody else, too. It's what I've been trying to work on in between things, but it's harder without my usual powers or anything. [ a pause. ] I don't want to leave people behind if they don't deserve to be. If their life isn't ready to be over. I think that applies to a lot of people right now.
[ but yeah. there's....that. ]
...I've seen a couple of people die this week in their memories and in my own. I think this one was just...the one I was least prepared for. [ he hasn't mentioned it, because nico di angelo usually keeps his problems to himself and stays quiet, but this week has been really awful for a multitude of reasons only to be topped off with losing two of the most important people he felt like he could actually trust and knowing how badly so many other people were hurting, too. ]
Nico. [she says, after a second, thinking about all of that, trying to wrestle her thoughts into place. try. try hard, she thinks to herself.] Do you trust me?
[ well. he's stupid and thinks she's doing it for her own comfort so there are more scritches. but he does raise an eyebrow and give her a slightly surprised look. ]
That's a dumb question. [ bluntly. but then, softer: ] Of course I do. I trust you more than most of the people here.
[she is like, a little flustered at how easy he says it. it takes her a second to say what she means to.]
Okay. Then - remember you can talk to me whenever. [don't let this stuff build up!! he's talking about it now, she just hates to think that he's suffering quietly.] I'm not good at this, ugh.
[kneads at him again]
Don't do all this stuff on your own, you don't have to. Is what I'm saying. I'm here for a reason.
[ she's just a little cat and somehow this makes him grin even if it's just kind of uneven and mostly because he thinks she's cute as a cat. ]
You're doing fine, Nimona. You're here because I want you to be. If I didn't...you wouldn't be able to find me. [ simply put. he's good at disappearing when he wants to. ] People keep saying that, and I know they're right because it's what I keep telling other people, but I guess I'm still trying to learn what is and isn't okay to trust other people with. If that makes sense. Like making sure something won't be too much for them, and trying to balance things out.
[ ... ]
...it's something Reigen and I talked about a lot. [ because in the end he trusted reigen far more than he ever anticipated, just because he made it feel like things would really be okay no matter what nico told him. ]
[that's concerning, because she doesn't want him to disappear either, but - it's fine, she just curls closer.]
Well, you're better than me at figuring it out. [grumbles.] ... You and Reigen talked a lot about balancing stuff?
[it's the same with her, honestly. reigen was full of shit a lot of the time, but he really had a way of talking her down from things. she figures it's the same for nico.]
[ as always, nimona can do whatever she wants and he does nothing to stop her. ]
I'm better at pretending I've figured stuff out. [ a gentle correction. ] Reigen and I talked about a lot of stuff. But yeah. Balancing things and my powers and my past and...a lot of things I'm still working through and probably will be for a long time. It's kind of funny because I told Ace once that I wasn't sure I could talk to Reigen because he felt almost too normal to bother with things, but I think he understood better than a lot of people instead.
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she donks her head against his shoulder.]
I wanted to be a pirate. With him. And you, and Will, and like, Hanako, maybe, or Saya. Anybody who wanted. Ace said - he said at night, the stars reflect on the ocean, so it looks like you're surrounded by it on all sides. Like it could go on forever.
[...] I wanted to bring him back.
[i want to live, he'd said in that memory.]
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I already told him I was going to look into options. [ first of all. and this...is something he didn't want to tell her. ] On Monday. That's what I saw. I saw when it happened the first time, and how it happened. And I didn't...I couldn't. It wasn't fair to know why it happened, or how the world treated him back then.
[ and he'd cried then, too, because it was a feeling he understood way too well, and seeing someone he had come to love die like that was just a little too much on his unstable mind. ]
I asked if he would let me find a way for him. I think he thought it might be selfish, but...he wanted to go back to Luffy. If I could accomplish anything at all. He had a promise to fulfill to Sabo, and he can't if he never went home.
no subject
He has to go home. [...] He has to. I can't bring people back to life and he doesn't even have to - he doesn't have to bring me with him, but he has to live. So I'll do whatever I can.
[a shift.]
You shouldn't have had to see him die twice.
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...I'll figure out something. For him. And for Hanako's friend. And I'll figure out how to bring back anybody else, too. It's what I've been trying to work on in between things, but it's harder without my usual powers or anything. [ a pause. ] I don't want to leave people behind if they don't deserve to be. If their life isn't ready to be over. I think that applies to a lot of people right now.
[ but yeah. there's....that. ]
...I've seen a couple of people die this week in their memories and in my own. I think this one was just...the one I was least prepared for. [ he hasn't mentioned it, because nico di angelo usually keeps his problems to himself and stays quiet, but this week has been really awful for a multitude of reasons only to be topped off with losing two of the most important people he felt like he could actually trust and knowing how badly so many other people were hurting, too. ]
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he holds so much up on his shoulders.]
Nico. [she says, after a second, thinking about all of that, trying to wrestle her thoughts into place. try. try hard, she thinks to herself.] Do you trust me?
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That's a dumb question. [ bluntly. but then, softer: ] Of course I do. I trust you more than most of the people here.
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Okay. Then - remember you can talk to me whenever. [don't let this stuff build up!! he's talking about it now, she just hates to think that he's suffering quietly.] I'm not good at this, ugh.
[kneads at him again]
Don't do all this stuff on your own, you don't have to. Is what I'm saying. I'm here for a reason.
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You're doing fine, Nimona. You're here because I want you to be. If I didn't...you wouldn't be able to find me. [ simply put. he's good at disappearing when he wants to. ] People keep saying that, and I know they're right because it's what I keep telling other people, but I guess I'm still trying to learn what is and isn't okay to trust other people with. If that makes sense. Like making sure something won't be too much for them, and trying to balance things out.
[ ... ]
...it's something Reigen and I talked about a lot. [ because in the end he trusted reigen far more than he ever anticipated, just because he made it feel like things would really be okay no matter what nico told him. ]
no subject
Well, you're better than me at figuring it out. [grumbles.] ... You and Reigen talked a lot about balancing stuff?
[it's the same with her, honestly. reigen was full of shit a lot of the time, but he really had a way of talking her down from things. she figures it's the same for nico.]
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I'm better at pretending I've figured stuff out. [ a gentle correction. ] Reigen and I talked about a lot of stuff. But yeah. Balancing things and my powers and my past and...a lot of things I'm still working through and probably will be for a long time. It's kind of funny because I told Ace once that I wasn't sure I could talk to Reigen because he felt almost too normal to bother with things, but I think he understood better than a lot of people instead.