[ me, waiting all thread for whatever fucking horrible thing you're unleashing on me. me, now: aaaaHHHHHHH.
anyway. nico's just reading this comic through very, very quietly, like he senses it's something heavier and something hanako's not saying. it's funny, the dull ache in his chest he feels suddenly the longer he reads, and the frown that slowly filters onto his face as he reads from panel to panel.
and when he hits the end...well. it takes him a moment of looking at hanako as if he's trying to read him before he crouches a little to be more at his eyelevel. he still doesn't speak right away, trying to figure out the correct approach. ]
...even knowing you're doing the right thing for her. It still hurts a little, doesn't it? [ knowing you're saving someone but that they'll soon forget you, but you won't forget them. ]
Nico crouches to meet Hanako's eyes, but he has a hard time meeting them. But the shared feelings compound the ache in his chest, prickling at the back of the eyes, guilt and sorrow that churns in the pit of his stomach because it does hurt. it hurts a lot. He had tried to smile for her, their last few moments together, wanted to reassure her, to wish her a happy rest of her life.
[ ...it occurs to him that despite hanako being as old as he is having been a ghost for so long, he's also still a child. at his core, he's still 13 years old and these are still very hard concepts to grapple with.
how do you learn to be happy saying goodbye to someone you care about? how do you learn to accept fate for what it is? how do you learn how to let someone go knowing that things won't be the same because they've changed you so deeply?
they're questions he asks himself a lot, knowing how the balance of life and death is. knowing there are so many things he can't change. but, and maybe hanako would think lesser of him for this, he's weak to situations like this. he hates seeing people suffer. he hates seeing people in pain like this and while a normal person might try to hug him or reassure him or do anything comforting nico just stays where he's at to let hanako set the tone of things. ]
It's okay to feel that way. [ because more than anything he thinks maybe he should remind him of that. you can do the right thing and still feel incredibly sad about it. ] Even knowing the decision, and even being the one to do it, there's no preparing for how it really feels knowing the results.
[ "Do the right thing" Nico he killed an innocent person to save some girl he likes. Ideally, he wouldn't have told Yashiro that either, only doing so because she would be forgetting.
Doing what he did, Aoi would have been erased from the world, never having existed in the first place. Yashiro would have no memory of him or his deeds. If nobody remembers, if it's as if nothing ever happened, is it still a sin? ... ]
I miss her. [ It's only been four weeks. ] I want her to live... but I also want her back.
[ and there is no way to both live, and be happy ]
[ cannot express enough how wrong some things are with nico's brain sometimes, it's fine. listen. anyway. it's still a heavy price to pay. ]
I understand. [ like. intimately so. ] ...can I ask you something? How did she come into contact with you in the first place? How did you meet?
[ maybe...there's a way to keep that connect, rebuild it, and let yashiro live. and bring back aoi to fix those mistakes. maybe there's a way to circumvent things if he understands better. this is meddling with death in a way he knows damn well he's not supposed to, but whatever. rules don't matter right now. ]
[ Hanako gives Nico a little smile, as if he hadn't already given that some thought, that if they met again, whether they could friends the second time around. But it's impossible. ]
You know the "Hanako-san" legend? Well, she had a wish she wanted granted, and so she summoned me.
The only people able to do so, however, are ones already close to death.
[ he does not say he's never heard of this particular legend, but he nods along like he has to show he's listening. ]
And the wish was to live longer. Like most of the other people who make wishes to you, I bet. [ why else would people try to summon this particular ghost? ] ...do you know why that is?
Things happened! The point is, she was always going to die within the year: that's how she summoned me in the first place, and that's what I did all that to prevent!
[ So if it works, she'll have a long life!! and never be able to summon him again!!!! aaaaaaaa ]
[ oh my gods he is starting to get a much clearer picture here. ]
And so because of that even if she remembers the legend, because you severed the tie she can't even try to summon you again with a different wish. [ he's just dragging a hand over his face to think. ] Has anyone managed to do this before...? Trading a soul for a soul.
Other than you, I don't think so. It goes against the laws of the world, after all: a person's lifespan is set the day they are born. That cannot [ should not ] be changed.
[ not the correct soul, but hey. he raises an eyebrow though. ]
I can name at least two people who would completely disprove that point, actually. I'm familiar with fate and how it applies here, but there are always factors that can disrupt it, even a little.
[ That's even better, if two people were able to change fate like that. Hanako's own profile mentions that too, but it also contains other things he's trying hard not to think about. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ There's only ever one reason why he's doing any of this. ]
But she's my assistant, so I want to—
[ ...help her too, except comic book panel time, of Hanako's very last memory before showing up here. ]
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me, now: aaaaHHHHHHH.
anyway. nico's just reading this comic through very, very quietly, like he senses it's something heavier and something hanako's not saying. it's funny, the dull ache in his chest he feels suddenly the longer he reads, and the frown that slowly filters onto his face as he reads from panel to panel.
and when he hits the end...well. it takes him a moment of looking at hanako as if he's trying to read him before he crouches a little to be more at his eyelevel. he still doesn't speak right away, trying to figure out the correct approach. ]
...even knowing you're doing the right thing for her. It still hurts a little, doesn't it? [ knowing you're saving someone but that they'll soon forget you, but you won't forget them. ]
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Nico crouches to meet Hanako's eyes, but he has a hard time meeting them. But the shared feelings compound the ache in his chest, prickling at the back of the eyes, guilt and sorrow that churns in the pit of his stomach because it does hurt. it hurts a lot. He had tried to smile for her, their last few moments together, wanted to reassure her, to wish her a happy rest of her life.
He should be happy.
Yashiro will be able to live.
She will forget him.
He won't ever see her again.
But she will be able to live. ]
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how do you learn to be happy saying goodbye to someone you care about? how do you learn to accept fate for what it is? how do you learn how to let someone go knowing that things won't be the same because they've changed you so deeply?
they're questions he asks himself a lot, knowing how the balance of life and death is. knowing there are so many things he can't change. but, and maybe hanako would think lesser of him for this, he's weak to situations like this. he hates seeing people suffer. he hates seeing people in pain like this and while a normal person might try to hug him or reassure him or do anything comforting nico just stays where he's at to let hanako set the tone of things. ]
It's okay to feel that way. [ because more than anything he thinks maybe he should remind him of that. you can do the right thing and still feel incredibly sad about it. ] Even knowing the decision, and even being the one to do it, there's no preparing for how it really feels knowing the results.
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Doing what he did, Aoi would have been erased from the world, never having existed in the first place. Yashiro would have no memory of him or his deeds. If nobody remembers, if it's as if nothing ever happened, is it still a sin? ... ]
I miss her. [ It's only been four weeks. ] I want her to live... but I also want her back.
[ and there is no way to both live, and be happy ]
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I understand. [ like. intimately so. ] ...can I ask you something? How did she come into contact with you in the first place? How did you meet?
[ maybe...there's a way to keep that connect, rebuild it, and let yashiro live. and bring back aoi to fix those mistakes. maybe there's a way to circumvent things if he understands better. this is meddling with death in a way he knows damn well he's not supposed to, but whatever. rules don't matter right now. ]
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You know the "Hanako-san" legend? Well, she had a wish she wanted granted, and so she summoned me.
The only people able to do so, however, are ones already close to death.
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And the wish was to live longer. Like most of the other people who make wishes to you, I bet. [ why else would people try to summon this particular ghost? ] ...do you know why that is?
[ why is it only those close to death? ]
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[ the other wish didn't come until later. initially it was just...
hanako-san, please, i want a boyfriend ]
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yeah he's just staring so exhaustedly gods he hates middle schoolers actually. "he's only 15 and equally useless" hates middle schoolers. ]
Seriously...?
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[ he looks. stupidly fond, though, despite that ]
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...did you actually grant her that wish? [ listen he is curious. ]
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[ it was good enough ]
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Right, okay. So...how exactly did you get from point a to point b here?
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Things happened! The point is, she was always going to die within the year: that's how she summoned me in the first place, and that's what I did all that to prevent!
[ So if it works, she'll have a long life!! and never be able to summon him again!!!! aaaaaaaa ]
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And so because of that even if she remembers the legend, because you severed the tie she can't even try to summon you again with a different wish. [ he's just dragging a hand over his face to think. ] Has anyone managed to do this before...? Trading a soul for a soul.
[ literally where did he get this idea. ]
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[ Not the correct soul, but hey. ]
Other than you, I don't think so. It goes against the laws of the world, after all: a person's lifespan is set the day they are born. That cannot [ should not ] be changed.
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I can name at least two people who would completely disprove that point, actually. I'm familiar with fate and how it applies here, but there are always factors that can disrupt it, even a little.
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I'm counting on you to disrupt it, okay?
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I'll do my best with what I can. I can at least promise you that much. [ gods. how did we get here. ]