resumed | PC: ACE 💀

[ he feels the anxiety and sort of bonks his head into ace's chest like it'll help dissipate that feeling. ]

...it'll be a little jarring for you to return, I imagine. And I'm sure you'll want to catch up with Luffy before the rest of us show up anyway. [ quietly, and slightly prompting if ace feels like he wants to even bother broaching that topic. ]

[ soft affection at the head bonk ]

... I'll have to find him first. [ hesitant, with that kind of feeling like you think you are being dumb worrying about stuff ] I don't know what's waiting for me there.

[ he knows what isn't, which is its own set of grief and guilt, but the anxiety is truly because he has no idea what the fuck is happening to the world in this one week where he is dead but maybe his body is missing? god. weird to think about. ]

[ no worrying...he says, as the king of anxiousness. ]

Are you scared? [ he just outright asks, because he thinks maybe nobody actually has yet. ]

[ REFLEXIVELY, the feeling is offended ]

No. [ frowning. frowning more. the offense kind of fades into something a little tired and guilty and anxious again, and it annoys himself ] Maybe.

[ scrubs at his face ]

I never really let myself think about what happened after I died. It didn't matter, since I was never going to see it. And now... everything involving that will be long over by the time we get there. And that's-- maybe that's the only way I get to go home at all [ to be alive ], so it's stupid to even worry about it. Better than the alternative, right? But...

[ grief and worry and guilt again ]

They went to war because of me. And I won't know what's happened to any of them until I get hold of a stupid newspaper.

That isn't unusual. Mortals very rarely think about what happens after death because for most of them it isn't really a thing. [ he's being careful with this and the emotions are surprisingly patient and calm to try and put him more at ease. ]

...even if it might be stupid, I don't think it's something you can necessarily avoid worrying about all the time. It's a weird circumstance. When I brought Hazel back, she...struggled a lot at first. Flashbacks about her life before, blackouts, things like that. She was also worried our father would notice she was missing and force her to go back since she wasn't supposed to leave.

I think...it's hard, because you feel like maybe it's too little too late since those events happened, and those people might've lost their lives because they were fighting for you. But they would've chosen to do that even if you lived through it the first time. It's frustrating not to know the outcome immediately, and you'd think there'd be comfort knowing you could see the outcome, but nobody's really written a guide on how to deal with survivor's guilt.

[ there's a kind of exhausted feeling, like, is it survivor's guilt if he never survived at all? but also he just feels incredibly uncomfortable making nico play therapist (he doesn't know what a therapist is) and try to put him at ease ]

Your dad forcing her back would've been a real dick move. [ blunt. that's more important than thinking about his thing, which is. not helped by talking about it. ] There's no might. I saw for a couple of them.

[ he sort of sighs ]

It's fine. It's not like I can do anything about it right now anyway.

[ he shrugs a little because yeah, he agrees. hades would have been an absolute asshole to make hazel go back to the underworld when she didn't belong there in the first place. but he doesn't let him and he doesn't sit up, going quiet when ace refutes that. ]

...sorry. You know I'm always kind of thinking ahead about this kind of stuff. [ because he's always anxious to find solutions to problems, especially problems his friends are facing. ]

[ pooookes nico's forehead. the sentiment is wry ]

Yeah. I know. But you've got enough going on without adding that to your plate when there's nothing to do about it anyway. [ ace does think he is being stupid. it does not stop him from worrying and feeling sad and guilty and anxious, because that is not how that works. there's a bit of a pause before he admits: ] I want to go home. But a lot of it is gone because of me. There's not really a solution to that.

[nyeh. he wrinkles his forehead with the poke. ]

Let me worry about what I want to worry about. [ the emotions are huffy and worried but in the way like you worry about the people you care about the most, but they shift into something a little more patient and trying to be settling. ]

...do you think it's still going to feel like home someday with those things gone? [ can you rebuild a home if the important pieces are missing? ]

[ the emotion is just restless because he hates talking about his feelings thank you. though also something a little sad and tired but resilient ]

I dunno. Depends on what's left, I guess. [ who. he doesn't know, but-- ] Nothing I can do but keep going forward. It's happened now.

[ well. he does his best to level his emotions out entirely so he stops feeling and so ace can recenter himself. ]

...then we go forward. And when you need us, we'll be there.

... It's my issues to deal with. [ a little hesitant because it is entirely a pride thing but also STOP LEVELING YOUR EMOTIONS ruffles nico's hair ] I'll be alright.

I know you will. [ he did not doubt that? but also, he can help. ] ...we have a few days to get it all together. So maybe we can set it aside until then.

That's sort of been my idea anyway. [ if they live post the moon, he can worry about it then!! ]

[ post-moon... ]

...so what do we do right now?

Well. Right now, I missed hanging out with you, so we could do that instead of wallow in what ifs?

[ there's a pleased little blip to that. and something sheepish. ]

...I think I like your way a lot better, yeah. It's been too long. [ but he perks up suddenly like "oh!" and he's reaching into his pocket. ] I almost forgot. You're here now, so...

[ gibs back sabogotchi who is in great condition and very alive and happy. ]

[ oh! embarrassed and relieved and also some kind of sadlonginggrief when he takes it, but ultimately it lands on thankful when he grins ]

Thanks. I knew you'd take care of him.

[ yeah he knows. he gets it. ]

Sure. I've got your medallion thing, too, but I figured this one was more important right now.

Eh, you can keep that. I never really figured out a way I could use it.

If I can't find a way to use it here, maybe I'll figure out something when we get home. One of our friends might have a better idea.

That works. Consider it a gift, then.

I'll cherish it always. [ dry, but teasing. ] This one's better though.

[ having ace back he means...he will be sappy Once. ]

[ it takes him a second and then he's like /// but emotionally as he laughs ]

I'm a gift now? That's not something anyone's ever believed before.

[ he just grins at that because ace, you idiot. ]

Yeah, well, I don't think I really count as just anyone do I?

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