I get that. [ granted, his was more just out of anger at different points in his life but whatever. ] Even knowing it might not be possible, you just keep going for it anyway.
[ as established you know this and i know this but nico knows fuckall.
however. he doesn't verbally reply. he's mostly watching ace curiously, as if prompting him to pick the direction he wants to take that conversation. naturally, nico's curious. but he's also aware there are just some things you don't want people really knowing about you no matter how much you trust them.
(was it presumptuous to think that ace trusted him? it's hard to say. he knows that he himself trusts ace but that doesn't mean it's mutual or at least to the same degree and that's perfectly fair and valid. you don't just give away trust easily.) ]
[ ace does hesitate. not because he doesn't trust nico, he does, but because he doesn't really tell people these things at all. he's a little easy to read, and people have figured him out before, but he doesn't share it himself. or he didn't used to. both, maybe.
so. partial truth; ]
The world never wanted me. [ it's said a little wry. ] And I kind of hated it right back. When I set off, I wanted to... prove myself. Burn it all down, maybe. But I didn't have anything I wanted to change things to. I was just aiming for the top with no direction, without understanding what it was. I thought defeating Whitebeard would make me better than he was.
[ to him, ace both is and isn't easy to read. ace is another one of those people that doesn't really necessarily hide his intentions so much as he hides a little of who he is if he thinks that part is a part people shouldn't see.
which is a tactic nico himself uses, and maybe it's not the same. maybe ace has his own reasons.
"the world never wanted me." "i might as well be covered in blood or sewage, the way people treat me. i don’t belong anywhere."
he doesn't necessarily disagree with the thought process, either. sometimes when the world doesn't want you, you just have to...force your way through. you do what you can to survive knowing the world will always be against you and knowing your choices may not be celebrated by anyone else. but who cares, right? when you just want to prove that maybe... ]
It's easy to hate a world that hates you for who you are. [ is what he says first, calm and steady and not really looking at ace. ] I think it's much harder to learn how to love in spite of that, and even then it's not something everyone tries to do. If the world doesn't want you to have a place in it, why shouldn't you do whatever it takes to show that you can belong no matter the cost? If only because it's unfair other people get to make that judgment for you.
[ hm. ] What was it then if it wasn't just strength? [ what did ace learn, he means. ]
[ ace isn't too surprised nico gets it. son of the god of the dead in a world full of regular humans? ace is just the son of the pirate king and the world wanted him dead. so he nudges nico gently with his elbow for that, while he's looking away. ]
He's the strongest man in the world, but it's not just because he's got the power over earthquakes in a world covered by the ocean. [ which like. admittedly. that helps. ] Pops is... He's got so many people who depend on him, who are under his protection. Dozens of islands who are at peace because of one man. Because he decided to. Can you imagine? His only dream on the sea was to have a family, so every person he takes in is part of his. He'd go to war for any of them. He's... he's the kind of person that defines an era.
[ which is all big words, but. ace hesitates before he says: ]
He's old. And sick. He's still the strongest with all of that, but taking on a stubborn rookie trying to take his head over and over for three months ... it wasn't good for his health. I overheard his crew talk to him about it once. He didn't care. He asked if his crew could really think him worth being called pops... if he couldn't let a rookie cut his teeth against him? [ he's looking at the ocean again now, seeming a little choked up ] Anyone else would've killed me the second I challenged them and failed. But he saw something in me worth keeping around. So he let me try. Over and over. Even if I never joined him, I'd at least get strong enough not to get crushed on the seas.
The way I was going... Whitebeard saved me. Not just my life, but how I was living it.
[ the tiniest nudge back of acknowledgement. yeah, yeah. ]
...he sounds pretty impressive. [ somehow he did not know this about whitebeard, but now he's like "well that probably makes sense somehow" given what he knows about poseidon's powers.
but other than that, he doesn't speak and lets ace take his time, absorbing the words very carefully like everything is fragile. he gets the sense this isn't really a story ace tends to delve into all the time, and maybe he should appreciate that he's hearing it now.
it's a familiar feeling. having a person that you try to push away over and over and over again only for that person to come back in full force and go "you are worth something. you're worth not giving up on." even at the expense of their own health and life.
so yeah. he completely understands and it's why he doesn't say anything for a long moment. ]
[ something about the way he says that is both sure and a little choked up both, somehow. ace is looking at the ocean like it's got all the answers to life hidden in them. ]
I'm kind of a worthless son. I don't listen, and I'm always causing trouble, but he still... [ he trails off and shakes his head, grinning sheepishly at nico ] The one thing I'll never be able to stand is people who disrespect him, even though I did it myself for so long.
[ he will respect ace's privacy and let him stare out at the ocean, and he won't ask when whitebeard died because that's what he's assuming happened in the end. instead, he listens.
I'm kind of a worthless son.
"Your sister would've done a better job." "And my son here, Nico. Well, he's not much now, I'll grant you. It would've been better if Bianca had lived."
I don't listen, and I'm always causing trouble.
"I'm afraid Nico was quite sincere about wanting to help you. The boy is as honest as he is dense." "You would do well to listen more and talk less, boy."
familiar sentiments, and yet...he can understand still defending your family, despite how you yourself feel about them. your family can sometimes drive you insane and say things and make you do things that aren't as kind as they could be, but when other people do the same it's a little more infuriating and harder to tolerate. ]
I think it's a little different given how you got to know him and what he offered you later in your life. People who don't understand often say things without much thought behind it. And the people who don't know what they're talking about ought to consider stop talking. I get that.
[ that sure is an assumption and it is a Complicated One. it is also very funny that nico is comparing that because ace is the only one who'd call himself worthless or a pain in the ass as far as whitebeard goes i hate him ]
Yeah, something like that. [ ... ] Our crew's a family, and Whitebeard is our father, so I guess when I think of home, that's what I miss.
[ luffy, too, but it's different and complicated ]
[ it's not like he can know?? this is all he can guess from ace. ]
...it's a home you ended up making for yourself more than anything. Why wouldn't someone miss that? [ watching the ocean. ] Maybe we won't be gone for as long as we think.
That's better. Now I'll only be mildly disappointed. [ lmao. but because this is a tuesday thread we can say that they hung out for a little longer and looked at the ocean. he really did just want to spend time with him. ]
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There's that, for one. But it wasn't just him, you know? I wanted to take on the whole world.
[ or die trying, is the implication. ]
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I get that. [ granted, his was more just out of anger at different points in his life but whatever. ] Even knowing it might not be possible, you just keep going for it anyway.
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... I didn't really care, about possible or not. I just had something to prove.
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however. he doesn't verbally reply. he's mostly watching ace curiously, as if prompting him to pick the direction he wants to take that conversation. naturally, nico's curious. but he's also aware there are just some things you don't want people really knowing about you no matter how much you trust them.
(was it presumptuous to think that ace trusted him? it's hard to say. he knows that he himself trusts ace but that doesn't mean it's mutual or at least to the same degree and that's perfectly fair and valid. you don't just give away trust easily.) ]
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so. partial truth; ]
The world never wanted me. [ it's said a little wry. ] And I kind of hated it right back. When I set off, I wanted to... prove myself. Burn it all down, maybe. But I didn't have anything I wanted to change things to. I was just aiming for the top with no direction, without understanding what it was. I thought defeating Whitebeard would make me better than he was.
But it's more than just strength.
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which is a tactic nico himself uses, and maybe it's not the same. maybe ace has his own reasons.
"the world never wanted me."
"i might as well be covered in blood or sewage, the way people treat me. i don’t belong anywhere."
he doesn't necessarily disagree with the thought process, either. sometimes when the world doesn't want you, you just have to...force your way through. you do what you can to survive knowing the world will always be against you and knowing your choices may not be celebrated by anyone else. but who cares, right? when you just want to prove that maybe... ]
It's easy to hate a world that hates you for who you are. [ is what he says first, calm and steady and not really looking at ace. ] I think it's much harder to learn how to love in spite of that, and even then it's not something everyone tries to do. If the world doesn't want you to have a place in it, why shouldn't you do whatever it takes to show that you can belong no matter the cost? If only because it's unfair other people get to make that judgment for you.
[ hm. ] What was it then if it wasn't just strength? [ what did ace learn, he means. ]
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He's the strongest man in the world, but it's not just because he's got the power over earthquakes in a world covered by the ocean. [ which like. admittedly. that helps. ] Pops is... He's got so many people who depend on him, who are under his protection. Dozens of islands who are at peace because of one man. Because he decided to. Can you imagine? His only dream on the sea was to have a family, so every person he takes in is part of his. He'd go to war for any of them. He's... he's the kind of person that defines an era.
[ which is all big words, but. ace hesitates before he says: ]
He's old. And sick. He's still the strongest with all of that, but taking on a stubborn rookie trying to take his head over and over for three months ... it wasn't good for his health. I overheard his crew talk to him about it once. He didn't care. He asked if his crew could really think him worth being called pops... if he couldn't let a rookie cut his teeth against him? [ he's looking at the ocean again now, seeming a little choked up ] Anyone else would've killed me the second I challenged them and failed. But he saw something in me worth keeping around. So he let me try. Over and over. Even if I never joined him, I'd at least get strong enough not to get crushed on the seas.
The way I was going... Whitebeard saved me. Not just my life, but how I was living it.
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...he sounds pretty impressive. [ somehow he did not know this about whitebeard, but now he's like "well that probably makes sense somehow" given what he knows about poseidon's powers.
but other than that, he doesn't speak and lets ace take his time, absorbing the words very carefully like everything is fragile. he gets the sense this isn't really a story ace tends to delve into all the time, and maybe he should appreciate that he's hearing it now.
it's a familiar feeling. having a person that you try to push away over and over and over again only for that person to come back in full force and go "you are worth something. you're worth not giving up on." even at the expense of their own health and life.
so yeah. he completely understands and it's why he doesn't say anything for a long moment. ]
Have you ever told him that yourself?
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[ something about the way he says that is both sure and a little choked up both, somehow. ace is looking at the ocean like it's got all the answers to life hidden in them. ]
I'm kind of a worthless son. I don't listen, and I'm always causing trouble, but he still... [ he trails off and shakes his head, grinning sheepishly at nico ] The one thing I'll never be able to stand is people who disrespect him, even though I did it myself for so long.
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I'm kind of a worthless son.
"Your sister would've done a better job."
"And my son here, Nico. Well, he's not much now, I'll grant you. It would've been better if Bianca had lived."
I don't listen, and I'm always causing trouble.
"I'm afraid Nico was quite sincere about wanting to help you. The boy is as honest as he is dense."
"You would do well to listen more and talk less, boy."
familiar sentiments, and yet...he can understand still defending your family, despite how you yourself feel about them. your family can sometimes drive you insane and say things and make you do things that aren't as kind as they could be, but when other people do the same it's a little more infuriating and harder to tolerate. ]
I think it's a little different given how you got to know him and what he offered you later in your life. People who don't understand often say things without much thought behind it. And the people who don't know what they're talking about ought to consider stop talking. I get that.
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Yeah, something like that. [ ... ] Our crew's a family, and Whitebeard is our father, so I guess when I think of home, that's what I miss.
[ luffy, too, but it's different and complicated ]
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...it's a home you ended up making for yourself more than anything. Why wouldn't someone miss that? [ watching the ocean. ] Maybe we won't be gone for as long as we think.
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...Yeah, maybe. [ a little lacking in enthusiasm ] Either way we've got a deadline.
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Couldn't even lie to me, huh?
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