[ the tears are bad enough, but the accusation hurts more than anything else. far worse than reliving his own death, which-- is a whole different can of emotions he's not looking at and has been pointedly not looking at since they got here. the point is, ace flinches at that. ]
No, I-- [ he closes his eye and turns away for a second ] ... I was. I was trying to figure out how to bring it up. [ when to bring it up, because every other day it was something and he didn't want to drag them down further with something that. he couldn't convince himself mattered that much. he died and he was fine with it and it wasn't anything they could go back and fix, so telling them-- he had to, eventually, but. well. there was never going to be a good time. ] It's... Look, I...
[ he grits his teeth and continues to look away. he doesn't know what to say. that's been the whole problem the entire time.
sorry you cared about someone like me, when you were only going to get hurt by it? ]
[ the good thing, perhaps, is that the tears are easy to stop because it was more the shock of realization than anything. there's still an overwhelming sense of grief in him for this knowledge, but he can handle it. he can take care of things.
he watches ace turn and he pauses to catch his breath, trying to refocus. ]
...it's difficult to say anything when it feels like everyone's already suffering enough. Right? [ he's trying to understand. ]
[ he does believe ace never wanted him to see this because it was me entirely, sorry nico. but anyway...it's a little funny that ace says "it's nothing any of you can do anything about" and nico's ready to march to the underworld and go "watch me" all over again.
these are terrible coping mechanisms. but he frowns quietly even as he nods.]
...I believe you with that one because you wouldn't want to hurt us unintentionally. [ he has. figured out that part. ] Or make us worry unnecessarily.
...a rescue mission, and then they said things about Whitebeard and then they attacked you. [ he doesn't add that ace was provoked or any of what really happened, this is the basis of his understanding. ]
... It wasn't a rescue mission. It was all out war. Pops brought everyone, and the Marines had their entire forces there, too. [ it feels crazy, to have a war fought for him, but there it is he is helen de troy ] Televised for the world to see.
[ assumes nico means why anyone would want to fight a war over him and he's like i know right but ]
... I'm... [ but he hates discussing this, wow. ] The blood son of the Pirate King. The worst criminal that ever lived. [ specifies blood son because that guy never did shit for him!!! but; ] They wanted to stop his legacy since before I was born.
[ ace is maybe going to realize that's not what nico meant in about five seconds because: ]
So? It's not like you chose that! So why you? Why punish you for something you didn't even ask for to begin with? Didn't they think that maybe you wouldn't be like your father?
[ he says, with absolutely zero investment in this at all. ]
... Well, I did end up a pirate, too. [ there's something wry there, because he wants nothing to do with roger, has never wanted anything to do with roger, but. it has never really mattered. ace is looking down at his hands now ] But I don't think they ever really cared about the what ifs. I'm only alive in the first place because of my mother. They knew the Pirate King had a lover, based on how he acted around a certain island, but not who she was. So they came to her island. Everyone they thought might be suspicious-- pregnant women, children, babies-- they killed. She found a way to make it so I was born two years after he died. It killed her.
[ sorry this is some greek tragedy bullshit you have enough of this at home ]
...[ this sure is some greek tragedy bullshit, but he just stares at him quietly. ]
I know you know that becoming a pirate doesn't mean you're like him. [ so he won't touch that. ] But that's...was he really so awful they didn't care whose lives it cost to try and find you?
... Being like him's the last thing I ever want to be.
[ but at that question, ace... shrugs. ]
It's what everyone says. The most dangerous criminal to ever exist. The worst of the worst. A demon. He defined an era and started the great age of piracy, and everything bad that came with it. [ whether ace subscribes to that entirely or not is hard to say. it doesn't really matter, because in the end it isn't roger himself that defined how people saw ace so much as the legacy he left behind. a legacy roger left behind on purpose. so. ] As far as I'm concerned, I might share his blood, but he's not my father. I've only got one of those.
[ whitebeard. as established. after a second, he adds; ]
Luffy's grandfather was the one who caught him. Apparently, he asked him to take care of me as a favor, so Gramps hid me with the mountain bandits.
Considering I don't think you're a demon, I'd say you succeeded in not being like him. [ dry. but angry. how dare people do this. how dare people treat a person like this just because of a legacy he didn't ask for? ] Blood doesn't always define family anyhow. If you've chosen your own, then...that's enough.
[ ...but oh. oh dear. ]
...which is why you were basically fighting to survive since you were a little kid. Before you left to sail and before you joined Whitebeard. That's the whole story, isn't it? [ because just because you were saved, it didn't mean you were safe. ]
[ he did choose his own family. over and over. it makes him smile softly, despite the fact that whether he wanted it to or not being roger's son did define him in the end. since. that is part of what he died for. well, never mind, his smile turns a little wry ]
... They were bandits. And they weren't thrilled to be blackmailed into taking care of such a rowdy kid, and how dangerous it'd be if the government found out. [ it's self-aware, but somehow. fucking fond. ] The old hag wasn't always nice, but she wasn't the worst. And Gramps' got kind of an unusual sense of how to raise kids in general. He used to throw Luffy into the jungle to train him too. I think that's just how he is.
You were still just a kid, you know. [ he doesn't care? these people all suck oh my gods he's so annoyed actually. ] ...it still doesn't change the fact they shouldn't have done this to you. No matter what.
[ SORRY HE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT FOR A WHILE. fun, new sentiments he is hearing for the first time.
... in the end he kind of nudges nico lightly ]
... I didn't live a bad life, you know. [ it's said a little quietly. yes, parts of it were bad, but overall... ace ended up so loved, when he never really did anything to deserve it. he can't regret that. ]
I know. [ which is maybe the awful part, that in the end ace still had something. it's no different than bianca or jason or any of the others who've died early in their lives. they had people who loved them and people they loved in return, places they called home and lives they were just starting to live but got snuffed out too quickly by nature of being who they are. ] No regrets, right? I know, and I'm glad there were good things, but...I can still say there were a lot of things unfair to you. You should have gotten to live it longer.
Maybe. But maybe if I'd had a different one, I'd never have met Luffy, or my crew. I never wanted to live forever. [ it's on his damn profile. i'm horrible. ] ... I just wanted to know... [ well. nico saw it. he shrugs ] This place leaves a lot to be desired. But it's still time I wouldn't have gotten otherwise, and some pretty good people met. So... I'm happy with that, too.
[ he considers this for a few moments. like. yes, that's a fair point. but he can't help but think of the idea of ace having to...well. basically go back to nothing. he hates it, really.
but he tries to dredge up a tiny smile anyway. ]
...fair enough. It's...time is always kind of a precious gift. [ "getting a second life is one thing. mkking it a better life, that’s the trick." ] I can't say any of us would disagree with meeting good people here though.
[ the implication is ace is good people. and this is a hilarious time for the comic panels to return with this. ]
[ actually being cursed to be hated and live a shitty life because of things completely out of your control is NOT something he wanted to have in common with nico, so after staring at the comic panels wide-eyed he turns to kind of. stare at him, sad and furious both. ]
... Guess gods aren't so different from humans, are they. [ same hat! same horrible hat. anyway he's watching nico to see how he is taking it because watching your mother die in comic book fashion can't be good. ]
[ he's not sure what's worse, actually. seeing it in real time and not remembering, seeing it through a ghost vision like 73 years later, or revisiting it now with a friend who he didn't want to see this.
so he's staring off into space for a second while trying to figure out how to process this. again. ]
I'm sure they'd beg to differ. [ his tone is a little clipped, but it's mostly because he's busy reining in his emotions. and after a moment, he glances at ace again. ] ...perhaps I wasn't fully honest about why I hate my powers here.
[ sometimes electrokinesis actually kills your mom horribly. ]
It's not like that's something you had to tell me. [ he never needed to know the details. there's plenty of reasons to have powers you hate. (darkness, he thinks, is a funny thing, but he'll never mention it to nico.) ] ... But it's a pretty good reason.
It's a reason I didn't remember for the seventy years my father kept Bianca and I in that hotel. [ ...but he looks at a point past ace for a moment. ] I'm sure you can imagine how things went after we were released. And after Bianca died, and people realized who I was.
[ it's not so much "look at me and listen to how sad my life was." it's "i think i understand what you went through." ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
No, I-- [ he closes his eye and turns away for a second ] ... I was. I was trying to figure out how to bring it up. [ when to bring it up, because every other day it was something and he didn't want to drag them down further with something that. he couldn't convince himself mattered that much. he died and he was fine with it and it wasn't anything they could go back and fix, so telling them-- he had to, eventually, but. well. there was never going to be a good time. ] It's... Look, I...
[ he grits his teeth and continues to look away. he doesn't know what to say. that's been the whole problem the entire time.
sorry you cared about someone like me, when you were only going to get hurt by it? ]
no subject
he watches ace turn and he pauses to catch his breath, trying to refocus. ]
...it's difficult to say anything when it feels like everyone's already suffering enough. Right? [ he's trying to understand. ]
no subject
[ he winces, a little. ]
I would've said it earlier, if I'd known this was coming. [ like. please believe him he never wanted nico to see. that. ]
no subject
these are terrible coping mechanisms. but he frowns quietly even as he nods.]
...I believe you with that one because you wouldn't want to hurt us unintentionally. [ he has. figured out that part. ] Or make us worry unnecessarily.
no subject
[ he doesn't know what to add to that actually! he is just kind of. hmmm. bad. he figures he should at least explain: ]
... I was going to be executed. They came to get me out.
no subject
...a rescue mission, and then they said things about Whitebeard and then they attacked you. [ he doesn't add that ace was provoked or any of what really happened, this is the basis of his understanding. ]
no subject
[ been real awkward being here every week, ]
no subject
never mind he hates pirates suddenly. ]
Seriously? Why? [ never mind he would've fought a fucking war to save ace, too. ] Why you?
no subject
... I'm... [ but he hates discussing this, wow. ] The blood son of the Pirate King. The worst criminal that ever lived. [ specifies blood son because that guy never did shit for him!!! but; ] They wanted to stop his legacy since before I was born.
no subject
So? It's not like you chose that! So why you? Why punish you for something you didn't even ask for to begin with? Didn't they think that maybe you wouldn't be like your father?
[ he says, with absolutely zero investment in this at all. ]
no subject
... Well, I did end up a pirate, too. [ there's something wry there, because he wants nothing to do with roger, has never wanted anything to do with roger, but. it has never really mattered. ace is looking down at his hands now ] But I don't think they ever really cared about the what ifs. I'm only alive in the first place because of my mother. They knew the Pirate King had a lover, based on how he acted around a certain island, but not who she was. So they came to her island. Everyone they thought might be suspicious-- pregnant women, children, babies-- they killed. She found a way to make it so I was born two years after he died. It killed her.
[ sorry this is some greek tragedy bullshit you have enough of this at home ]
no subject
I know you know that becoming a pirate doesn't mean you're like him. [ so he won't touch that. ] But that's...was he really so awful they didn't care whose lives it cost to try and find you?
no subject
[ but at that question, ace... shrugs. ]
It's what everyone says. The most dangerous criminal to ever exist. The worst of the worst. A demon. He defined an era and started the great age of piracy, and everything bad that came with it. [ whether ace subscribes to that entirely or not is hard to say. it doesn't really matter, because in the end it isn't roger himself that defined how people saw ace so much as the legacy he left behind. a legacy roger left behind on purpose. so. ] As far as I'm concerned, I might share his blood, but he's not my father. I've only got one of those.
[ whitebeard. as established. after a second, he adds; ]
Luffy's grandfather was the one who caught him. Apparently, he asked him to take care of me as a favor, so Gramps hid me with the mountain bandits.
no subject
[ ...but oh. oh dear. ]
...which is why you were basically fighting to survive since you were a little kid. Before you left to sail and before you joined Whitebeard. That's the whole story, isn't it? [ because just because you were saved, it didn't mean you were safe. ]
no subject
... They were bandits. And they weren't thrilled to be blackmailed into taking care of such a rowdy kid, and how dangerous it'd be if the government found out. [ it's self-aware, but somehow. fucking fond. ] The old hag wasn't always nice, but she wasn't the worst. And Gramps' got kind of an unusual sense of how to raise kids in general. He used to throw Luffy into the jungle to train him too. I think that's just how he is.
[ read: garp is an asshole ]
no subject
You were still just a kid, you know. [ he doesn't care? these people all suck oh my gods he's so annoyed actually. ] ...it still doesn't change the fact they shouldn't have done this to you. No matter what.
[ any of these people, actually. ]
no subject
... in the end he kind of nudges nico lightly ]
... I didn't live a bad life, you know. [ it's said a little quietly. yes, parts of it were bad, but overall... ace ended up so loved, when he never really did anything to deserve it. he can't regret that. ]
no subject
I know. [ which is maybe the awful part, that in the end ace still had something. it's no different than bianca or jason or any of the others who've died early in their lives. they had people who loved them and people they loved in return, places they called home and lives they were just starting to live but got snuffed out too quickly by nature of being who they are. ] No regrets, right? I know, and I'm glad there were good things, but...I can still say there were a lot of things unfair to you. You should have gotten to live it longer.
no subject
no subject
but he tries to dredge up a tiny smile anyway. ]
...fair enough. It's...time is always kind of a precious gift. [ "getting a second life is one thing. mkking it a better life, that’s the trick." ] I can't say any of us would disagree with meeting good people here though.
[ the implication is ace is good people. and this is a hilarious time for the comic panels to return with this. ]
no subject
... Guess gods aren't so different from humans, are they. [ same hat! same horrible hat. anyway he's watching nico to see how he is taking it because watching your mother die in comic book fashion can't be good. ]
no subject
so he's staring off into space for a second while trying to figure out how to process this. again. ]
I'm sure they'd beg to differ. [ his tone is a little clipped, but it's mostly because he's busy reining in his emotions. and after a moment, he glances at ace again. ] ...perhaps I wasn't fully honest about why I hate my powers here.
[ sometimes electrokinesis actually kills your mom horribly. ]
no subject
no subject
[ it's not so much "look at me and listen to how sad my life was." it's "i think i understand what you went through." ]
no subject
Yeah. I can imagine. [ sorry he is ruffling nico's hair again ] ... This isn't the kind of thing I'd want to have in common with you, you know.
[ unwanted and cursed by the world. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)