Yeah, but if you're worrying about this, as well as all the other things you're going to burn out. You don't have to do and worry about all this by yourself, you know.
[ binch she has YEARS of experience with dark haired idiots who try and take on everything alone. ]
[ he just. stares at her and raises an eyebrow. that may or may not be the reason they gave him the hero name burnout. and by they i mean me. that is the reason.
anyway he focuses on giving himself a little more of a push to swing. ]
And now you're starting to sound a lot like my doctor. [ faintly amused, and obviously kidding. ] But I know. It's...a thing I'm still working on.
[ good news nico. she pulls her "abis granted" mental health support credentials and smacks them so hard on the table it cracks. she's a pro at taking care of stupid dark haired boys she's fond of in varying degrees.
she does not actually slam her crayon drawn diploma on any table, it doesn't exist.
she does however stare back like yeah? and she's domina and she hasn't tied up a single person the whole time she's been here. break the mould, kiddo. ]
I do have mental health support functions. But good. It's always baby steps.
[ tama your diploma. anyway she says "functions" and he's like starting to figure she's very human-like but more advanced so he lets it slide. if she wants to ever explain she can. right now he hears her and there's a little huff that's half-amused and half-annoyed. ]
Tama, I've talked about my mental health more in the last six months than I have in my entire life. It's kind of exhausting. [ yeah that happens when you have ptsd anxiety depression and etc, nico. ] I don't know if addressing it more here is going to help with what we're trying to fix about our situation. At least when it comes to the small stuff.
I'm just saying, most of my impromptu, awkwardly timed naps have nothing to do with my mental stability. [ he does not clarify. but: ] ...the talking part isn't really easy, you know.
Necromancy, technically. [ also yeah she hit it on the head. ] I don't...like vulnerability, no. Even from people I know almost expect it from me. Having to explain things is always complicated.
Everything in my profile is true, even if some things are missing. But if I use my powers too much all at once or on something really big it kind of drains me until I can recharge. Usually by napping it off or refueling. [ the amount of times he just passes out inconveniently. ]
...it isn't fair not to try in this instance. But trying here with people I've just met seems a little...weird? We all barely know each other still. I don't want anything used against us.
... Osteokinesis? I was kinda joking about the spooky scary skeletons thing. [ he's just a sleepy lil guy. ]
Fair. But we are going through a situation I don't think many people will ever even think of. Trauma bonding's a real thing.
If you're not comfortable talking to us though, you're not on your own here, right? And while they're a stranger too, your leader's a pretty safe bet I think. They have an invested interest in you being safe and healthy, given you're currently their charge.
I've been training for years, it's one of the things I'm better at. [ spooky scary skeletons...
anyway it's not like tama is wrong about any of that given the way nico is watching her, but instead of agreeing just yet there's a low hum of thought. ]
You're a pretty big advocate of this mental health thing aren't you? [ interesting. again she is not wrong but now he's more curious about that instead of continuing to hint about how mentally unstable he can get sometimes. ]
If they hadn't taken my powers I could show you. It's pretty easy now. I can summon full skeletons to do whatever I need them to, or it can just be bones to be shaped however I want. Same with ghosts and zombies.
[ he is very normal. but he continues to think this over. ]
...it's important to the people you're trying to help, or to you?
So they took one set of powers from you, and gave you another one entirely. That must be weird to adjust to. [ and boy, did this place ever give people stuff to adjust to. ]
…
Both. It’s part of my job, but I want the people I’m helping to be okay. Whether that’s just them being more confident, or something more than that, like helping them handle something buried a lot deeper than that.
It has been. [ he will be honest with that. ] It's not even a set of powers that's close to what I'm used to is the thing. Trying to practice has been...difficult.
[ for reasons he doesn't disclose. instead, he continues letting himself swing back and forth as he registers that. ]
...so your job is not only to be a digital cop but also a therapist? [ idly. he will eventually, maybe, figure out she means ryuki specifically but he does not at this moment. ] That sounds like it can be hard if the people you're trying to help have a lot to work through.
I actually need to practice what I can do more, now I think about it. Maybe we should both practice? It’s less tedious if you’re sharing the suffering.
[ she’s back to swinging. at this point they’re like… almost there with nico knowing she’s an AI, but not fully there so… she has less concerns about saying the next part. ]
It’s what I’m meant to do. And it’s what I want to do. It’s not entirely like sticking to a set parameter, that’s just basic model stuff. If I didn’t want to, no one could make me.
[ she has her oath, after all. but there were always limitations to how she could keep him safe. ]
I don't mind spotting you for practice. It can be helpful to have someone observe and suggest ideas. [ he does not say anything about practicing himself for some reason.
he hasn't quite jumped to the AI conclusion but it's a close thing. he's aware she's not human, aware she's attached to certain things, and he can sort of piece it together. it's why he doesn't mind listening. ]
So like...having a set of instructions, but if you don't think it's suitable and something you wanted to fulfill you could override them. [ that makes some sense. he's quiet again. ] You care a lot then.
[ if she could avoid it, but she's doing so anyway. ]
[ she does kinda giggle at that. ] It’s just a suggestion, you don’t have to look like I’m cornering you.
I guess. As far as I’m concerned, I’m doing what I want — but it’s more like… you have a job or a responsibility. Maybe you didn’t plan to end up in that job, but you like it and you want to keep doing it. Something like that? [ maybe having the base programming to do something isn’t quite the same, but it’s the best she can think of. ] Or like it’s just a part of who you are, personality wise. You have the parts and pieces of your personality, but slowly you develop that personality as you grow?
[ there's a sheepish grin. ] It's not...it's complicated. I know I need to practice but it's going to take time.
[ this analogy works, actually. he gets the concept she's trying to explain and so he nods. yeah. something like that. ]
...no, I think I understand. It's a make-up you have, but you then start to lean into it and it becomes more important to you the more you realize you're actually good at it or it suits you. I think I get the point. Sorry. I get it was kind of a weird question to ask.
Same though. It’s not like I had powers before, and I’m finding it difficult. You’ve probably got to unlearn muscle memory and stuff like that.
[ she shrugs. ]
It’s not like I was offended by it. My situation’s a bit different, that’s probably clear enough. But ultimately, I help out because I want to. If I didn’t want to, you’d know about it.
The amount of times I've flexed my fingers trying to pull someone out of the ground and getting nothing has not been small. [ dry. ] Don't worry. Even those of us who had powers before are making a mess of things. Unless you're like Nimona or Will.
...good way to look at it then. I'll keep that in mind. [ a pause. ] It sounds as though whoever you're working with is lucky to have you though.
If the means by which they use their powers are similar too, then they really hit the jackpot. [ she can hack! but hacking out of a human body is a whole other thing. ]
[ hehe. ] I know. [ and so does he, shakes fist. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah, but if you're worrying about this, as well as all the other things you're going to burn out. You don't have to do and worry about all this by yourself, you know.
[ binch she has YEARS of experience with dark haired idiots who try and take on everything alone. ]
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anyway he focuses on giving himself a little more of a push to swing. ]
And now you're starting to sound a lot like my doctor. [ faintly amused, and obviously kidding. ] But I know. It's...a thing I'm still working on.
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she does not actually slam her crayon drawn diploma on any table, it doesn't exist.
she does however stare back like yeah? and she's domina and she hasn't tied up a single person the whole time she's been here. break the mould, kiddo. ]
I do have mental health support functions. But good. It's always baby steps.
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Tama, I've talked about my mental health more in the last six months than I have in my entire life. It's kind of exhausting. [ yeah that happens when you have ptsd anxiety depression and etc, nico. ] I don't know if addressing it more here is going to help with what we're trying to fix about our situation. At least when it comes to the small stuff.
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[ you talk it out. a lot. ]
Maybe not, but even just so you don't exhaust yourself into an impromptu, awkwardly timed nap, you can grumble at some of us if you're not feeling it.
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Maybe I like my head being disorganized. [ dry. ] Why does that sound more like a targeted experience instead of just an example...?
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I'm just saying, most of my impromptu, awkwardly timed naps have nothing to do with my mental stability. [ he does not clarify. but: ] ...the talking part isn't really easy, you know.
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[ ….. ]
I know. It’s one of the hardest things to do — no one wants to feel vulnerable in front of strangers, or people they want to support.
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[ no they are very different, stop that. ] Oh wait, seriously— like— [ she waggles her fingers ] Spooky scary skeletons, that kind of thing?
[ it’s october. ]
It sounds like you’re trying though. If you know it’s tough.
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...it isn't fair not to try in this instance. But trying here with people I've just met seems a little...weird? We all barely know each other still. I don't want anything used against us.
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... Osteokinesis? I was kinda joking about the spooky scary skeletons thing. [ he's just a sleepy lil guy. ]
Fair. But we are going through a situation I don't think many people will ever even think of. Trauma bonding's a real thing.
If you're not comfortable talking to us though, you're not on your own here, right? And while they're a stranger too, your leader's a pretty safe bet I think. They have an invested interest in you being safe and healthy, given you're currently their charge.
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anyway it's not like tama is wrong about any of that given the way nico is watching her, but instead of agreeing just yet there's a low hum of thought. ]
You're a pretty big advocate of this mental health thing aren't you? [ interesting. again she is not wrong but now he's more curious about that instead of continuing to hint about how mentally unstable he can get sometimes. ]
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[ aha. ]
It's important!
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[ he is very normal. but he continues to think this over. ]
...it's important to the people you're trying to help, or to you?
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…
Both. It’s part of my job, but I want the people I’m helping to be okay. Whether that’s just them being more confident, or something more than that, like helping them handle something buried a lot deeper than that.
[ “people”. ]
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[ for reasons he doesn't disclose. instead, he continues letting himself swing back and forth as he registers that. ]
...so your job is not only to be a digital cop but also a therapist? [ idly. he will eventually, maybe, figure out she means ryuki specifically but he does not at this moment. ] That sounds like it can be hard if the people you're trying to help have a lot to work through.
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[ she’s back to swinging. at this point they’re like… almost there with nico knowing she’s an AI, but not fully there so… she has less concerns about saying the next part. ]
It’s what I’m meant to do. And it’s what I want to do. It’s not entirely like sticking to a set parameter, that’s just basic model stuff. If I didn’t want to, no one could make me.
[ she has her oath, after all. but there were always limitations to how she could keep him safe. ]
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I don't mind spotting you for practice. It can be helpful to have someone observe and suggest ideas. [ he does not say anything about practicing himself for some reason.
he hasn't quite jumped to the AI conclusion but it's a close thing. he's aware she's not human, aware she's attached to certain things, and he can sort of piece it together. it's why he doesn't mind listening. ]
So like...having a set of instructions, but if you don't think it's suitable and something you wanted to fulfill you could override them. [ that makes some sense. he's quiet again. ] You care a lot then.
[ if she could avoid it, but she's doing so anyway. ]
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I guess. As far as I’m concerned, I’m doing what I want — but it’s more like… you have a job or a responsibility. Maybe you didn’t plan to end up in that job, but you like it and you want to keep doing it. Something like that? [ maybe having the base programming to do something isn’t quite the same, but it’s the best she can think of. ] Or like it’s just a part of who you are, personality wise. You have the parts and pieces of your personality, but slowly you develop that personality as you grow?
I don’t know. I don’t think too hard on it.
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[ this analogy works, actually. he gets the concept she's trying to explain and so he nods. yeah. something like that. ]
...no, I think I understand. It's a make-up you have, but you then start to lean into it and it becomes more important to you the more you realize you're actually good at it or it suits you. I think I get the point. Sorry. I get it was kind of a weird question to ask.
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[ she shrugs. ]
It’s not like I was offended by it. My situation’s a bit different, that’s probably clear enough. But ultimately, I help out because I want to. If I didn’t want to, you’d know about it.
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...good way to look at it then. I'll keep that in mind. [ a pause. ] It sounds as though whoever you're working with is lucky to have you though.
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[ hehe. ] I know. [ and so does he, shakes fist. ]
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