[ again, also fair. he looks at the ceiling and lets her hold onto his shirt, sort of swaying them back and forth more out of a necessity to move than anything. ]
..when we were first rescued and found by Grover, he'd brought Percy, Annabeth and Thalia with him to get us out of our boarding school so we could be taken to camp. A lot of things happened between the time we left there and the time we arrived at camp, including Annabeth disappearing, the Hunters of Artemis showing up, and Bianca deciding to join them instead of staying at camp with me. They offered her a place amongst the hunters, and...all of Lady Artemis's hunters are girls. Pure maidens who never age. Bianca...chose that, instead of talking to me, and instead of choosing to stay at camp.
Then Lady Artemis went missing, and her hunters were given the quest to find her. Only a few of them could go. Bianca was one of them. But Percy had the idea of follow them because he wanted to find Annabeth. So...I knew he'd go. I knew he would infiltrate their quest, and I made him promise me that he'd take care of Bianca.
...when they got back, he told me the news. How they'd been passing through the junkyard of the gods. How they weren't supposed to take anything. How Bianca picked up something, and how an automaton giant attacked all of them. And...how she sacrificed herself to save all of them. It had been her choice, but...it didn't matter. It didn't matter that she'd picked up something for me, specifically, to bring back to me. It didn't matter that she'd died a hero's death. All that mattered was that Percy had promised to protect her, and he didn't. [ .... ] That was the first time I ever sensed someone's death. I'd...been having nightmares, about her being down in Asphodel awaiting judgment to be evaluated and placed in the Underworld. I didn't understand any of it, I just knew it was true. And I just...was so mad at Percy. He'd lied to me, and I felt like I shouldn't have trusted him. So...my powers sort of manifested. Skeletons came up, and they attacked him. I didn't realize it was me. I didn't realize what was happening until I banished all of them through a twenty-foot fissure in the ground. [ there's a nice little thought bubble of several skeleton warriors being swallowed whole, flames erupting through the fissure and the earth closing with a loud crunch as a twenty-foot scar ran through the marble floor of the dining pavilion. ]
...I told him I wished he were dead, and I ran. I didn't come back for three years. [ there's a point to the story, but...he's letting her digest that all first. ]
The Titan war was starting to happen not long before I left. I don't...I don't know if they would have bothered looking for me at first if they weren't worried I'd be recruited to Kronos's army. I left camp, but I was still working on things outside. I was on my own for a while as I was learning how to use my powers. And...trying to bring Bianca back. [ a pause. that's a story for another time, he thinks. ] I was in the Underworld for a while, too, trying to do things for my father and also convince him to join the rest of the Olympians in the fight.
[ ... ] ...but maybe, stupidly, part of it was maybe just because of Percy. I'd told him I hated him and that I wished he were dead because he'd broken his promise. But I still...really liked him. A lot. For reasons I didn't want to think about. When he needed my help, of course I said yes. Of course I was going to do whatever it took to keep him safe. And then when the Titan war was over and Kronos was defeated, I stayed at camp for a few weeks.
That was several months later. The Titan War ended in August. ...some things happened. I found Hazel and I brought her back out of the Underworld. I escorted her to Camp Jupiter. I was the only Greek demigod to even know about the Roman camp at the time, and Hades asked me to stay there and pretend to be an ambassador for Pluto in order to try and bridge the gap between them.
A few months after all of that is when I started working with the others and the second Great Prophecy. The Giant War started brewing around December, and it didn't end officially until about August. That's when I finally stayed at camp for good.
[she shifts a little, settling so she can rest her head against his shoulder, hands tucked up under her chin.]
I think you've mentioned Hazel before. [she's vaguely unsure on if she's his sister or not. she's also not sure entirely why he's telling her all this but it doesn't make her any less interested to just. hear more about him. all the little things.]
[ she's still little so she can still hang out and he'll hold onto her. ]
Yeah. She's my sister. I...didn't know she existed until I went down there to try and find Bianca. Hazel was just waiting around in Asphodel, and...I could feel that she didn't belong there. And with the Doors of Death being wide open, I just brought her out with me, and Hades never made her go back. Her father's Pluto though, the Roman form of Hades. The two versions have differences based on the beliefs of the people and everything.
[ ...as for why he's bringing it up. ]
...anyway, my point was...when I first ran away from camp it's because I had nowhere for everything I was feeling to go. After she died and I was left alone, and after Percy broke his promise when I'd trusted him, I couldn't figure out how to deal with what I was feeling. I was so angry I really did want him dead. He'd let Bianca die, so what did it matter? But I still...cared about him a lot, so then I started being mad at myself for still caring and for thinking I could trust him, and mad at Bianca for just letting this happen, and mad at the world for giving me all of the problems I'd never asked for when all I wanted to do was figure out how to survive. It took about four and a half years or so to really make peace with some things. And there were others I didn't even make peace with until...uh. Like right before I got here.
So I guess my point is...nobody's expecting you to know where to go with a situation like this right away. I just don't want you to pick a course of action and go with it just because it's the first thing that feels right.
I don't think it's the same for me. [she says, finally, honestly.] I get what you're telling me, though.
[she's glad, she thinks, that he can sit back and reflect and decide that maybe he can get past it, but she genuinely thinks she isn't like that. nico is good - he's a good person who reaches out for the weirdos and the unwanted people, and she loves him for that, because she can't make herself unlearn a thousand years of protecting herself.
[ he gently grabs her hand to redirect it. no. no picking. ]
That's fine. I guess I just...[ ...he pauses again to think. ] Maybe I also just felt like you should know those things. [ to understand him a little better and why he is conflicted, he thinks. ] But you don't have to think the same way I do. You're you and I'm me and that's just why we work. I'm gonna back you up no matter how you feel.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
..when we were first rescued and found by Grover, he'd brought Percy, Annabeth and Thalia with him to get us out of our boarding school so we could be taken to camp. A lot of things happened between the time we left there and the time we arrived at camp, including Annabeth disappearing, the Hunters of Artemis showing up, and Bianca deciding to join them instead of staying at camp with me. They offered her a place amongst the hunters, and...all of Lady Artemis's hunters are girls. Pure maidens who never age. Bianca...chose that, instead of talking to me, and instead of choosing to stay at camp.
Then Lady Artemis went missing, and her hunters were given the quest to find her. Only a few of them could go. Bianca was one of them. But Percy had the idea of follow them because he wanted to find Annabeth. So...I knew he'd go. I knew he would infiltrate their quest, and I made him promise me that he'd take care of Bianca.
...when they got back, he told me the news. How they'd been passing through the junkyard of the gods. How they weren't supposed to take anything. How Bianca picked up something, and how an automaton giant attacked all of them. And...how she sacrificed herself to save all of them. It had been her choice, but...it didn't matter. It didn't matter that she'd picked up something for me, specifically, to bring back to me. It didn't matter that she'd died a hero's death. All that mattered was that Percy had promised to protect her, and he didn't. [ .... ] That was the first time I ever sensed someone's death. I'd...been having nightmares, about her being down in Asphodel awaiting judgment to be evaluated and placed in the Underworld. I didn't understand any of it, I just knew it was true. And I just...was so mad at Percy. He'd lied to me, and I felt like I shouldn't have trusted him. So...my powers sort of manifested. Skeletons came up, and they attacked him. I didn't realize it was me. I didn't realize what was happening until I banished all of them through a twenty-foot fissure in the ground. [ there's a nice little thought bubble of several skeleton warriors being swallowed whole, flames erupting through the fissure and the earth closing with a loud crunch as a twenty-foot scar ran through the marble floor of the dining pavilion. ]
...I told him I wished he were dead, and I ran. I didn't come back for three years. [ there's a point to the story, but...he's letting her digest that all first. ]
no subject
she listens - and carefully, when he pauses, she hugs him a little more tightly.]
... What made you come back?
no subject
The Titan war was starting to happen not long before I left. I don't...I don't know if they would have bothered looking for me at first if they weren't worried I'd be recruited to Kronos's army. I left camp, but I was still working on things outside. I was on my own for a while as I was learning how to use my powers. And...trying to bring Bianca back. [ a pause. that's a story for another time, he thinks. ] I was in the Underworld for a while, too, trying to do things for my father and also convince him to join the rest of the Olympians in the fight.
[ ... ] ...but maybe, stupidly, part of it was maybe just because of Percy. I'd told him I hated him and that I wished he were dead because he'd broken his promise. But I still...really liked him. A lot. For reasons I didn't want to think about. When he needed my help, of course I said yes. Of course I was going to do whatever it took to keep him safe. And then when the Titan war was over and Kronos was defeated, I stayed at camp for a few weeks.
no subject
That was when you got to know all the people like Jason and stuff, right? Or was that later?
no subject
That was several months later. The Titan War ended in August. ...some things happened. I found Hazel and I brought her back out of the Underworld. I escorted her to Camp Jupiter. I was the only Greek demigod to even know about the Roman camp at the time, and Hades asked me to stay there and pretend to be an ambassador for Pluto in order to try and bridge the gap between them.
A few months after all of that is when I started working with the others and the second Great Prophecy. The Giant War started brewing around December, and it didn't end officially until about August. That's when I finally stayed at camp for good.
no subject
I think you've mentioned Hazel before. [she's vaguely unsure on if she's his sister or not. she's also not sure entirely why he's telling her all this but it doesn't make her any less interested to just. hear more about him. all the little things.]
no subject
Yeah. She's my sister. I...didn't know she existed until I went down there to try and find Bianca. Hazel was just waiting around in Asphodel, and...I could feel that she didn't belong there. And with the Doors of Death being wide open, I just brought her out with me, and Hades never made her go back. Her father's Pluto though, the Roman form of Hades. The two versions have differences based on the beliefs of the people and everything.
[ ...as for why he's bringing it up. ]
...anyway, my point was...when I first ran away from camp it's because I had nowhere for everything I was feeling to go. After she died and I was left alone, and after Percy broke his promise when I'd trusted him, I couldn't figure out how to deal with what I was feeling. I was so angry I really did want him dead. He'd let Bianca die, so what did it matter? But I still...cared about him a lot, so then I started being mad at myself for still caring and for thinking I could trust him, and mad at Bianca for just letting this happen, and mad at the world for giving me all of the problems I'd never asked for when all I wanted to do was figure out how to survive. It took about four and a half years or so to really make peace with some things. And there were others I didn't even make peace with until...uh. Like right before I got here.
So I guess my point is...nobody's expecting you to know where to go with a situation like this right away. I just don't want you to pick a course of action and go with it just because it's the first thing that feels right.
no subject
I don't think it's the same for me. [she says, finally, honestly.] I get what you're telling me, though.
[she's glad, she thinks, that he can sit back and reflect and decide that maybe he can get past it, but she genuinely thinks she isn't like that. nico is good - he's a good person who reaches out for the weirdos and the unwanted people, and she loves him for that, because she can't make herself unlearn a thousand years of protecting herself.
she picks at a scar on her chest, absently.]
no subject
That's fine. I guess I just...[ ...he pauses again to think. ] Maybe I also just felt like you should know those things. [ to understand him a little better and why he is conflicted, he thinks. ] But you don't have to think the same way I do. You're you and I'm me and that's just why we work. I'm gonna back you up no matter how you feel.