[ yeah this is absolutely the loop because he leans into it and ace pets more with just the kind of soft fond happy feeling. sibling coded. etc. literally sibling coded because he's done this for like, luffy and uh a four year old ]
Yeah, Lillium had to reassure me he really was dead by the time they left him to the tigers. [ HE GOT. WORRIED. HE WAS EATEN ALIVE. exasperation feeling ] You should let him have it for lying, at least. He knows when he's being a shithead. I think he wants people to call him out?
[ the feeling there is ? exhaustion. he likes tem because he likes weird people, but. ]
It's one thing to not pick a fight with people for her sake, but you shouldn't hold back from being mad at all. [ ace chilled himself out a lot for luffy, so he understands why nico doesn't want to go around going bark bark!! at everybody tho ]
[ likewise he's done this for both his actual sister and nimona so you know what. sibling-coded. he is more than okay with this because the vibes settle into fond and relaxed and...safe, probably. ]
I didn't even bother asking because I feel like Lillium would sooner stab a tiger than be eaten alive. That doesn't make it any less pleasant. They could have let him die decently without being mauled further. At least we gave Albedo a proper burial. [ we, as if he had anything to do with that. ]
...I might still. I'm deciding who I do and do not want to be mad at or if I should save all of my frustrations for the moon and other things. Lillium kind of said it wasn't as big of a deal now that he made it back and I agree but it's still...frustrating. It's the same problem where it feels harder to trust outside people because everybody has their own plans.
[ outside people are people who are not in the jailbreakers or that he personally got close to. ] And I don't know if I can be that mad when Rabbits needed to kill and maybe I just didn't ask the right questions in the end.
[ hums because ace moved sigrun away from the fire for that reason, laid her to rest elsewhere, but ace wasn't trying to get away and it's hard to guess what other people were thinking. also, nico says we and ace kind of nudges him. you weren't there you rascal.
also you have no idea how like, pleased he feels at nico feeling safe, horrid ]
I dunno. I think Tem should've been honest with you after the trial, at least, but I don't think he does honest. Not really. [ there's no real judgment on either side there. ] Whatever it is, it shouldn't have been on you asking the right questions. Even if it's not a big deal, just airing it out might be good.
[ there's some like. self-deprecation: ]
But I'm the kind of guy who'd yell at anyone over their decisions, so maybe I'm not the right one to ask. I got into plenty of arguments with Pops. [ grief/guilt/love briefly, there, just at that mention ]
[ he ignores the nudge and makes a little face because he was not there, but it was his team!! he done knew!! also good he should be pleased by this. ]
It's even stupider because he approached me to apologize and because he figured out that I knew about Lillium before the trial even started. I don't mind if he doesn't really do honest. I do mind when it comes to me because I would rather not waste my time playing games with people. [ bluntly. ] If other people want to play mind games, fine. But I'm not participating.
[ so instead he will simply bitch about it and be grumpy. ]
...I mean I've gotten into way too many arguments with Hades because he refused to listen to me or budge on his own decisions. I think that's like the only normal thing about our relationship. [ fighting with your parents/parental figures...a fulfilling pastime. the mood dips to something still agitated but also...faintly wistful. he does still miss home. ]
That's why I'm saying you should call him out. [ ace is also not into mindgames, but it's because he is kind of a blunt guy himself. anyway hugs and pets for the grumpy boy, but nico's feeling wistful about hades and ace is still a little jii about the guy from nico's flashbacks, though it's just a blip of Hrm feelings ]
Maybe it is normal. Maybe your dad is kind of an ass. [ so he makes the joke but he is teasing about it instead of 100% angy ] I've spent most of my life being called a brat even after adulthood, maybe don't follow my lead on these things.
We'll see if it's worth the effort. If he continues to feign innocence I just might. [ ... ] ...he's one of the few people who knew about Will's backlash, too.
[ which is something he still has mixed feelings on even if he doesn't entirely elaborate why. still. he feels the jiiiii about hades and he kind of hides a grin in ace's shoulder because it's funny and...nobody has really expressed those kinds of feelings about hades on nico's behalf except for jason todd in a whole other timeline. ]
My father is definitely kind of an ass. [ easily agrees. ] But he truly has gotten better despite our differences still. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, by the way. All it means is that you have strong opinions and weren't afraid to express them.
[ no, it means ace was a fucking brat and in hindsight 10 year old ace is still hysterical. ]
[ YEAH ABOUT THAT there's kind of guilt and worry and he sort of noogies nico gently ]
Yeah, you could've told me about that! [ HE ALREADY DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE WILL HEAL HIM WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL HIM. he's not actually mad and he gets why he wasn't but. goddamn. this was a thing to Learn.
he does not say anything about the brat thing because he does have strong opinions and he is absolutely terrible but it's fine and 10 year old ace exists in all our hearts even if the post doesn't ]
[ MY TEN YEAR OLD ACE it's fine dw hates me personally. i understand.
anyway he half-heartedly bats at ace's hand when he does that but there's also his own guilt from that even if ace isn't actually mad about it. ]
...wasn't my secret to tell, and...um...by the time I was ready to, things had happened. [ ace literally fucking died, i had planned to actually have him mention it when he wasn't soupbrained. ] Will and I thought we could handle it ourselves. It's not as bad when it's smaller or more minor heals. And for the bigger stuff, Fox had a room set up for him in their dorm with all kinds of breakable stuff so he could work out the rage. And if we were outside, there was always the park and stuff. We'd gone there a few times. It was always something he was scared of losing control over, but I...kind of always thought I'd be there to help fix it. It's what I'd promised him.
[ so yeah. they really sat on this for eight weeks trying to make it work. ] Temenos knew and so did Vane because Vane got his healing the week we all swapped powers. I don't know if anyone else did before this weekend though.
things had happened make ace kind of wince and nod in guilt because ok, fair. he did do that. he did drown in front of god and everyone. and he goes back to petting while nico talks because he was not real mad though he is still Concern about it ]
I dunno about your side, but no one who died seemed to. We were all pretty confused what was going on. [ and concerned. did i mention concern. he's kind of like ? at when the fuck temenos learned this but doesn't ask ] Well, I already called Will out on worrying me, so I guess I can't shake him on this one too. He doesn't have that at home, right?
[ things he doesn't tell ace: saya and nimona nearly drowning trying to reach him, and temenos asking will to heal nimona despite knowing the backlash because she was drowning. the hairpets help and he's still curled up here as he kind of thinks about boxing his boyfriend around the ears for literally not telling anyone else. ]
If anyone else knew on this side, they hadn't said it to me. So I kind of doubt it. I did tell Lillium though. [ he does understand why more people don't know but again, damnit will. he shakes his head no. ] At home it's a lot more powerful, too. He doesn't really have a daily limit or anything and he doesn't have a backlash. He's our best medic. [ ...concerned...and worried. ] He's a caretaker more than anything, and he hates seeing people hurt. Generally he feels that if he can help heal, then he's going to no matter the cost. It's kind of a problem because sometimes I think he still feels like he's only his healing and nothing else, but we've been working on that. Here, it...sometimes I wouldn't stop him from minor heals or bigger ones that could be taken out on stuff easily because I knew it'd hurt him not to help when he had the capability to. It's not in his nature to ignore people.
But he's been pretty scared of hurting me because of it, so...I was trying to figure out alternate routes when I could. It's why I started buying more remedies and sticking as close to him as I could when he would heal. So I could take stock of what he was healing and how it might translate to his side effect later.
[ i mean. he knew about saya jumping in after him. he does not need to know more though nico's absolutely right.
ace keeps up the pets and just kind of listens to nico's summary of events, the vibes mostly concerned and a little sad they dealt with it themselves. this is hypocritical if ace had somethin like that he never woulda told anyone. no one needs to know that ]
This place really went all out on you guys and your powers, huh? [ turning will's against him and shoving nico into unfunny trauma powers. they're still good, but now the powers are psychologically unsound. there's a vague flare of annoyance about it. ] You both did a pretty good job hiding it and dealing with it, but it probably would've been easier if more people knew. Well, not that it matters now. [ he's not going to keep harping on that, because it happened and it's over, and they can't exactly undo not telling people. nico can box will about it ] At least now he can probably take out all his future aggressions on the moon guy.
[ so it won't be a problem until the end, ace means. ]
No wonder you were always so stressed out about him healing, though. I just thought you didn't want him to exhaust himself. He was pretty bad about that too.
[ his own vibes are a little sad, too, because this place sucks and he's still more angry on will's behalf than his own. he's pretty mad on his own behalf, too, and freshly traumatized because he did not need to actually use lightning to kill someone he loves. but he's staying here and letting ace do whatever he wants. ]
It's just another reason I've been so angry about being here without our usual abilities. And, like, being here at all. I think we both thought if people knew, they would tell him not to heal and then we wouldn't have anybody to help for those trips and we'd be in the same situation all over again. He'd be upset he couldn't help, people would be getting hurt, and we would all be messier than we were. It sucks. But I guess that's true. I don't mind setting him on the moon if that's what it takes, but...it's his choice.
[ and he sighs tiredly, a little wiggle of exhaustion and frustration following. ]
I can have multiple reasons for not wanting him to heal so much. Both of those things are true. I don't...want him burning out or being too stressed or giving too much of himself away to help others. [ what nico does not say is that usually he's the one who burns out on his powers and frequently passes out from overexertion. ] I tried to do what I could to help him relax and rest properly though.
You did a pretty good job taking care of him, considering no one had any idea. [ pet pets. ] ... You've got a couple more days, and then you guys will be back to normal. Then you two can finally take that vacation you were going to.
[ and they don't have to burn themself out and they can take a nap, is basically the emotion there ]
Well. He always takes care of me, what was I supposed to do? I was never going to leave him. [ the emotions are a little affronted, even if they're not directed at ace. ]
I think the first thing we're gonna do is check in with Mr. D and Chiron again before figuring out which of you we're gonna go see first. [ no. the first thing they're going to do really is take a nap honestly. ]
[ though talking about visiting there's a bit of relief because he does want that even if he has. no idea. how to go about moving between worlds. but also just... anxiousness. ]
Take that break first. I've... got some things to figure out before I can get visitors. [ just that sense of disbelief of. even. probably being around to have visitors. BEEN A WILD DAy ]
[ he feels the anxiety and sort of bonks his head into ace's chest like it'll help dissipate that feeling. ]
...it'll be a little jarring for you to return, I imagine. And I'm sure you'll want to catch up with Luffy before the rest of us show up anyway. [ quietly, and slightly prompting if ace feels like he wants to even bother broaching that topic. ]
... I'll have to find him first. [ hesitant, with that kind of feeling like you think you are being dumb worrying about stuff ] I don't know what's waiting for me there.
[ he knows what isn't, which is its own set of grief and guilt, but the anxiety is truly because he has no idea what the fuck is happening to the world in this one week where he is dead but maybe his body is missing? god. weird to think about. ]
No. [ frowning. frowning more. the offense kind of fades into something a little tired and guilty and anxious again, and it annoys himself ] Maybe.
[ scrubs at his face ]
I never really let myself think about what happened after I died. It didn't matter, since I was never going to see it. And now... everything involving that will be long over by the time we get there. And that's-- maybe that's the only way I get to go home at all [ to be alive ], so it's stupid to even worry about it. Better than the alternative, right? But...
[ grief and worry and guilt again ]
They went to war because of me. And I won't know what's happened to any of them until I get hold of a stupid newspaper.
That isn't unusual. Mortals very rarely think about what happens after death because for most of them it isn't really a thing. [ he's being careful with this and the emotions are surprisingly patient and calm to try and put him more at ease. ]
...even if it might be stupid, I don't think it's something you can necessarily avoid worrying about all the time. It's a weird circumstance. When I brought Hazel back, she...struggled a lot at first. Flashbacks about her life before, blackouts, things like that. She was also worried our father would notice she was missing and force her to go back since she wasn't supposed to leave.
I think...it's hard, because you feel like maybe it's too little too late since those events happened, and those people might've lost their lives because they were fighting for you. But they would've chosen to do that even if you lived through it the first time. It's frustrating not to know the outcome immediately, and you'd think there'd be comfort knowing you could see the outcome, but nobody's really written a guide on how to deal with survivor's guilt.
[ there's a kind of exhausted feeling, like, is it survivor's guilt if he never survived at all? but also he just feels incredibly uncomfortable making nico play therapist (he doesn't know what a therapist is) and try to put him at ease ]
Your dad forcing her back would've been a real dick move. [ blunt. that's more important than thinking about his thing, which is. not helped by talking about it. ] There's no might. I saw for a couple of them.
[ he sort of sighs ]
It's fine. It's not like I can do anything about it right now anyway.
[ he shrugs a little because yeah, he agrees. hades would have been an absolute asshole to make hazel go back to the underworld when she didn't belong there in the first place. but he doesn't let him and he doesn't sit up, going quiet when ace refutes that. ]
...sorry. You know I'm always kind of thinking ahead about this kind of stuff. [ because he's always anxious to find solutions to problems, especially problems his friends are facing. ]
[ pooookes nico's forehead. the sentiment is wry ]
Yeah. I know. But you've got enough going on without adding that to your plate when there's nothing to do about it anyway. [ ace does think he is being stupid. it does not stop him from worrying and feeling sad and guilty and anxious, because that is not how that works. there's a bit of a pause before he admits: ] I want to go home. But a lot of it is gone because of me. There's not really a solution to that.
Let me worry about what I want to worry about. [ the emotions are huffy and worried but in the way like you worry about the people you care about the most, but they shift into something a little more patient and trying to be settling. ]
...do you think it's still going to feel like home someday with those things gone? [ can you rebuild a home if the important pieces are missing? ]
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Yeah, Lillium had to reassure me he really was dead by the time they left him to the tigers. [ HE GOT. WORRIED. HE WAS EATEN ALIVE. exasperation feeling ] You should let him have it for lying, at least. He knows when he's being a shithead. I think he wants people to call him out?
[ the feeling there is ? exhaustion. he likes tem because he likes weird people, but. ]
It's one thing to not pick a fight with people for her sake, but you shouldn't hold back from being mad at all. [ ace chilled himself out a lot for luffy, so he understands why nico doesn't want to go around going bark bark!! at everybody tho ]
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I didn't even bother asking because I feel like Lillium would sooner stab a tiger than be eaten alive. That doesn't make it any less pleasant. They could have let him die decently without being mauled further. At least we gave Albedo a proper burial. [ we, as if he had anything to do with that. ]
...I might still. I'm deciding who I do and do not want to be mad at or if I should save all of my frustrations for the moon and other things. Lillium kind of said it wasn't as big of a deal now that he made it back and I agree but it's still...frustrating. It's the same problem where it feels harder to trust outside people because everybody has their own plans.
[ outside people are people who are not in the jailbreakers or that he personally got close to. ] And I don't know if I can be that mad when Rabbits needed to kill and maybe I just didn't ask the right questions in the end.
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also you have no idea how like, pleased he feels at nico feeling safe, horrid ]
I dunno. I think Tem should've been honest with you after the trial, at least, but I don't think he does honest. Not really. [ there's no real judgment on either side there. ] Whatever it is, it shouldn't have been on you asking the right questions. Even if it's not a big deal, just airing it out might be good.
[ there's some like. self-deprecation: ]
But I'm the kind of guy who'd yell at anyone over their decisions, so maybe I'm not the right one to ask. I got into plenty of arguments with Pops. [ grief/guilt/love briefly, there, just at that mention ]
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It's even stupider because he approached me to apologize and because he figured out that I knew about Lillium before the trial even started. I don't mind if he doesn't really do honest. I do mind when it comes to me because I would rather not waste my time playing games with people. [ bluntly. ] If other people want to play mind games, fine. But I'm not participating.
[ so instead he will simply bitch about it and be grumpy. ]
...I mean I've gotten into way too many arguments with Hades because he refused to listen to me or budge on his own decisions. I think that's like the only normal thing about our relationship. [ fighting with your parents/parental figures...a fulfilling pastime. the mood dips to something still agitated but also...faintly wistful. he does still miss home. ]
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Maybe it is normal. Maybe your dad is kind of an ass. [ so he makes the joke but he is teasing about it instead of 100% angy ] I've spent most of my life being called a brat even after adulthood, maybe don't follow my lead on these things.
[ fuckin old people ]
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[ which is something he still has mixed feelings on even if he doesn't entirely elaborate why. still. he feels the jiiiii about hades and he kind of hides a grin in ace's shoulder because it's funny and...nobody has really expressed those kinds of feelings about hades on nico's behalf
except for jason todd in a whole other timeline.]My father is definitely kind of an ass. [ easily agrees. ] But he truly has gotten better despite our differences still. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, by the way. All it means is that you have strong opinions and weren't afraid to express them.
[ no, it means ace was a fucking brat and in hindsight 10 year old ace is still hysterical. ]
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Yeah, you could've told me about that! [ HE ALREADY DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE WILL HEAL HIM WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL HIM. he's not actually mad and he gets why he wasn't but. goddamn. this was a thing to Learn.
he does not say anything about the brat thing because he does have strong opinions and he is absolutely terrible but it's fine and 10 year old ace exists in all our hearts even if the post doesn't ]
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anyway he half-heartedly bats at ace's hand when he does that but there's also his own guilt from that even if ace isn't actually mad about it. ]
...wasn't my secret to tell, and...um...by the time I was ready to, things had happened. [ ace literally fucking died, i had planned to actually have him mention it when he wasn't soupbrained. ] Will and I thought we could handle it ourselves. It's not as bad when it's smaller or more minor heals. And for the bigger stuff, Fox had a room set up for him in their dorm with all kinds of breakable stuff so he could work out the rage. And if we were outside, there was always the park and stuff. We'd gone there a few times. It was always something he was scared of losing control over, but I...kind of always thought I'd be there to help fix it. It's what I'd promised him.
[ so yeah. they really sat on this for eight weeks trying to make it work. ] Temenos knew and so did Vane because Vane got his healing the week we all swapped powers. I don't know if anyone else did before this weekend though.
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things had happened make ace kind of wince and nod in guilt because ok, fair. he did do that. he did drown in front of god and everyone. and he goes back to petting while nico talks because he was not real mad though he is still Concern about it ]
I dunno about your side, but no one who died seemed to. We were all pretty confused what was going on. [ and concerned. did i mention concern. he's kind of like ? at when the fuck temenos learned this but doesn't ask ] Well, I already called Will out on worrying me, so I guess I can't shake him on this one too. He doesn't have that at home, right?
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If anyone else knew on this side, they hadn't said it to me. So I kind of doubt it. I did tell Lillium though. [ he does understand why more people don't know but again, damnit will. he shakes his head no. ] At home it's a lot more powerful, too. He doesn't really have a daily limit or anything and he doesn't have a backlash. He's our best medic. [ ...concerned...and worried. ] He's a caretaker more than anything, and he hates seeing people hurt. Generally he feels that if he can help heal, then he's going to no matter the cost. It's kind of a problem because sometimes I think he still feels like he's only his healing and nothing else, but we've been working on that. Here, it...sometimes I wouldn't stop him from minor heals or bigger ones that could be taken out on stuff easily because I knew it'd hurt him not to help when he had the capability to. It's not in his nature to ignore people.
But he's been pretty scared of hurting me because of it, so...I was trying to figure out alternate routes when I could. It's why I started buying more remedies and sticking as close to him as I could when he would heal. So I could take stock of what he was healing and how it might translate to his side effect later.
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ace keeps up the pets and just kind of listens to nico's summary of events, the vibes mostly concerned and a little sad they dealt with it themselves. this is hypocritical if ace had somethin like that he never woulda told anyone. no one needs to know that ]
This place really went all out on you guys and your powers, huh? [ turning will's against him and shoving nico into unfunny trauma powers. they're still good, but now the powers are psychologically unsound. there's a vague flare of annoyance about it. ] You both did a pretty good job hiding it and dealing with it, but it probably would've been easier if more people knew. Well, not that it matters now. [ he's not going to keep harping on that, because it happened and it's over, and they can't exactly undo not telling people. nico can box will about it ] At least now he can probably take out all his future aggressions on the moon guy.
[ so it won't be a problem until the end, ace means. ]
No wonder you were always so stressed out about him healing, though. I just thought you didn't want him to exhaust himself. He was pretty bad about that too.
[ #shaming ]
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It's just another reason I've been so angry about being here without our usual abilities. And, like, being here at all. I think we both thought if people knew, they would tell him not to heal and then we wouldn't have anybody to help for those trips and we'd be in the same situation all over again. He'd be upset he couldn't help, people would be getting hurt, and we would all be messier than we were. It sucks. But I guess that's true. I don't mind setting him on the moon if that's what it takes, but...it's his choice.
[ and he sighs tiredly, a little wiggle of exhaustion and frustration following. ]
I can have multiple reasons for not wanting him to heal so much. Both of those things are true. I don't...want him burning out or being too stressed or giving too much of himself away to help others. [ what nico does not say is that usually he's the one who burns out on his powers and frequently passes out from overexertion. ] I tried to do what I could to help him relax and rest properly though.
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[ and they don't have to burn themself out and they can take a nap, is basically the emotion there ]
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I think the first thing we're gonna do is check in with Mr. D and Chiron again before figuring out which of you we're gonna go see first. [ no. the first thing they're going to do really is take a nap honestly. ]
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[ though talking about visiting there's a bit of relief because he does want that even if he has. no idea. how to go about moving between worlds. but also just... anxiousness. ]
Take that break first. I've... got some things to figure out before I can get visitors. [ just that sense of disbelief of. even. probably being around to have visitors. BEEN A WILD DAy ]
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...it'll be a little jarring for you to return, I imagine. And I'm sure you'll want to catch up with Luffy before the rest of us show up anyway. [ quietly, and slightly prompting if ace feels like he wants to even bother broaching that topic. ]
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... I'll have to find him first. [ hesitant, with that kind of feeling like you think you are being dumb worrying about stuff ] I don't know what's waiting for me there.
[ he knows what isn't, which is its own set of grief and guilt, but the anxiety is truly because he has no idea what the fuck is happening to the world in this one week where he is dead but maybe his body is missing? god. weird to think about. ]
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Are you scared? [ he just outright asks, because he thinks maybe nobody actually has yet. ]
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No. [ frowning. frowning more. the offense kind of fades into something a little tired and guilty and anxious again, and it annoys himself ] Maybe.
[ scrubs at his face ]
I never really let myself think about what happened after I died. It didn't matter, since I was never going to see it. And now... everything involving that will be long over by the time we get there. And that's-- maybe that's the only way I get to go home at all [ to be alive ], so it's stupid to even worry about it. Better than the alternative, right? But...
[ grief and worry and guilt again ]
They went to war because of me. And I won't know what's happened to any of them until I get hold of a stupid newspaper.
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...even if it might be stupid, I don't think it's something you can necessarily avoid worrying about all the time. It's a weird circumstance. When I brought Hazel back, she...struggled a lot at first. Flashbacks about her life before, blackouts, things like that. She was also worried our father would notice she was missing and force her to go back since she wasn't supposed to leave.
I think...it's hard, because you feel like maybe it's too little too late since those events happened, and those people might've lost their lives because they were fighting for you. But they would've chosen to do that even if you lived through it the first time. It's frustrating not to know the outcome immediately, and you'd think there'd be comfort knowing you could see the outcome, but nobody's really written a guide on how to deal with survivor's guilt.
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Your dad forcing her back would've been a real dick move. [ blunt. that's more important than thinking about his thing, which is. not helped by talking about it. ] There's no might. I saw for a couple of them.
[ he sort of sighs ]
It's fine. It's not like I can do anything about it right now anyway.
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...sorry. You know I'm always kind of thinking ahead about this kind of stuff. [ because he's always anxious to find solutions to problems, especially problems his friends are facing. ]
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Yeah. I know. But you've got enough going on without adding that to your plate when there's nothing to do about it anyway. [ ace does think he is being stupid. it does not stop him from worrying and feeling sad and guilty and anxious, because that is not how that works. there's a bit of a pause before he admits: ] I want to go home. But a lot of it is gone because of me. There's not really a solution to that.
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Let me worry about what I want to worry about. [ the emotions are huffy and worried but in the way like you worry about the people you care about the most, but they shift into something a little more patient and trying to be settling. ]
...do you think it's still going to feel like home someday with those things gone? [ can you rebuild a home if the important pieces are missing? ]
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I dunno. Depends on what's left, I guess. [ who. he doesn't know, but-- ] Nothing I can do but keep going forward. It's happened now.
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