Yeah. I'm not really worried about the wrong vote part. To be honest, I'm sort of impressed we've done this well so far as it is. We aren't exactly great at being organized and not fighting with each other in the last couple of hours. [ shrug. ] But more...the longer we're here and if we have to keep following their rules...there's a bigger chance it'll continue being people we don't want to lose. That's what it comes down to, isn't it? Picking who we may or may not want to sacrifice because the city wants to see us "save the day."
[ this is such a depressing conversation, and he seems to pause as he realizes it. ]
...sorry. We don't have to talk about that, that's not why I came up here.
I know we are. [ which is his way of saying he will likely come back to the topic on his own in a bit, but he needs to break from it for a moment. even if he's constantly worried about it.
the question kind of throws him off-guard though. ]
...I don't always like being inside the penthouse. Reigen made a good suggestion to keep the blinds open and that helps, but I do like being outside a little better. [ a beat. ] Plus I figured you'd be up here anyway.
[ maybe...he just wanted to hang out with ace...but that's dumb to say. ]
Yeah, I'm more of an outdoors guy too. [ no one is surprised by that, but ace looks a little pleased at the implications nico just wanted to hang. horrid. but he doesn't say that and just laughs ] I think that means I'm coming up here too often.
There's still a difference between being outside and being outside though. [ the look says that no one is surprised, yes. ]
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a creature of habit. I still check the store every morning to see if anything's changed. And I think most people know by now that if I'm not in my own dorm I'm at Fox. [ he shrugs. ] I think it's better to be consistent anyway. It means you'd be the first to notice if something changed, wouldn't you?
[ he is trying to make ace's pathetic pining a little cooler than it sounds, but it's fine. the horrible part is he does think ace is cool and still wants ace to like him. ]
I can't believe that store still isn't open. Do they usually take so long?
[ ace will never know a halloween... ever... ]
You don't have to cheer me up about it. Whenever I'm somewhere for long enough, I always end up having a spot like this to watch the sea from. There was this cliff overlooking the ocean in the forest of the island I grew up on... I'd always end up there after getting into fights.
I guess in a lot of instances it's a seasonal thing so it's not like it's open year round. But then again there're some that are, and the ones are are seasonal are open at least a month in advance.
[ but he shrugs. ]
Who said it was about cheering you up? [ shut up. there's a long pause though, and he's busy looking at the ocean instead. ] ...I don't know. I think I prefer having something to miss and something I can always come back to instead of not having anything at all anymore.
[ just kind of nodding along to the seasonal thing because he doesn't know when in the year they are, never mind when in the year halloween is. so. moving on
except nico says that and ace stays quiet for maybe a beat too long before he turns back to the ocean with just an oddly sad smile ]
[ ...this isn't about him. it's very rarely about him, but he thinks maybe it's a thing to say. ]
...I don't regret the times where I didn't have that for that reason, I think. It reminds me how important it is to have something like that, especially when I'm away from it and things are bad. Maybe I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too.
Yeah. He's one of the examples. Not that I think it excuses him for what happened, but...just thinking out loud, maybe. If a person feels like they don't have something to go home to, what do you think they'll do? Is it more likely they'll find something else to fight for? Or give up when it gets too complicated?
[ ...the thing about nico di angelo is that he's pretty damn attentive. he's blunt and stubborn in a lot of ways, but likewise, he's fairly observant and willing to give some leniency to the people he likes best.
it's why he sees the grip change from ace's hands, and he chooses to veer slightly to the left on the topic. ]
...it's strange how sometimes things happen and it changes the direction you thought things would go. Sometimes you know it's coming, but other times when it catches you off-guard you kind of find yourself rearranging your priorities.
[ speaking of catching off guard; the sort of change in conversation direction. it makes him relax his grip a little and he stares blankly at nico for a bit before he kind of grins ]
Yeah. Sort of what happened when I joined with Whitebeard.
I get that. [ granted, his was more just out of anger at different points in his life but whatever. ] Even knowing it might not be possible, you just keep going for it anyway.
[ as established you know this and i know this but nico knows fuckall.
however. he doesn't verbally reply. he's mostly watching ace curiously, as if prompting him to pick the direction he wants to take that conversation. naturally, nico's curious. but he's also aware there are just some things you don't want people really knowing about you no matter how much you trust them.
(was it presumptuous to think that ace trusted him? it's hard to say. he knows that he himself trusts ace but that doesn't mean it's mutual or at least to the same degree and that's perfectly fair and valid. you don't just give away trust easily.) ]
[ ace does hesitate. not because he doesn't trust nico, he does, but because he doesn't really tell people these things at all. he's a little easy to read, and people have figured him out before, but he doesn't share it himself. or he didn't used to. both, maybe.
so. partial truth; ]
The world never wanted me. [ it's said a little wry. ] And I kind of hated it right back. When I set off, I wanted to... prove myself. Burn it all down, maybe. But I didn't have anything I wanted to change things to. I was just aiming for the top with no direction, without understanding what it was. I thought defeating Whitebeard would make me better than he was.
[ to him, ace both is and isn't easy to read. ace is another one of those people that doesn't really necessarily hide his intentions so much as he hides a little of who he is if he thinks that part is a part people shouldn't see.
which is a tactic nico himself uses, and maybe it's not the same. maybe ace has his own reasons.
"the world never wanted me." "i might as well be covered in blood or sewage, the way people treat me. i don’t belong anywhere."
he doesn't necessarily disagree with the thought process, either. sometimes when the world doesn't want you, you just have to...force your way through. you do what you can to survive knowing the world will always be against you and knowing your choices may not be celebrated by anyone else. but who cares, right? when you just want to prove that maybe... ]
It's easy to hate a world that hates you for who you are. [ is what he says first, calm and steady and not really looking at ace. ] I think it's much harder to learn how to love in spite of that, and even then it's not something everyone tries to do. If the world doesn't want you to have a place in it, why shouldn't you do whatever it takes to show that you can belong no matter the cost? If only because it's unfair other people get to make that judgment for you.
[ hm. ] What was it then if it wasn't just strength? [ what did ace learn, he means. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ this is such a depressing conversation, and he seems to pause as he realizes it. ]
...sorry. We don't have to talk about that, that's not why I came up here.
no subject
[ this is ace saying they can talk about it if nico wants to, but if he doesn't: ]
So why did you come up here?
no subject
the question kind of throws him off-guard though. ]
...I don't always like being inside the penthouse. Reigen made a good suggestion to keep the blinds open and that helps, but I do like being outside a little better. [ a beat. ] Plus I figured you'd be up here anyway.
[ maybe...he just wanted to hang out with ace...but that's dumb to say. ]
no subject
[ and being a sadsack, he means ]
no subject
Hey, there's nothing wrong with being a creature of habit. I still check the store every morning to see if anything's changed. And I think most people know by now that if I'm not in my own dorm I'm at Fox. [ he shrugs. ] I think it's better to be consistent anyway. It means you'd be the first to notice if something changed, wouldn't you?
[ he is trying to make ace's pathetic pining a little cooler than it sounds, but it's fine. the horrible part is he does think ace is cool and still wants ace to like him. ]
no subject
[ ace will never know a halloween... ever... ]
You don't have to cheer me up about it. Whenever I'm somewhere for long enough, I always end up having a spot like this to watch the sea from. There was this cliff overlooking the ocean in the forest of the island I grew up on... I'd always end up there after getting into fights.
no subject
[ but he shrugs. ]
Who said it was about cheering you up? [ shut up. there's a long pause though, and he's busy looking at the ocean instead. ] ...I don't know. I think I prefer having something to miss and something I can always come back to instead of not having anything at all anymore.
no subject
except nico says that and ace stays quiet for maybe a beat too long before he turns back to the ocean with just an oddly sad smile ]
... Yeah. I guess that's true.
no subject
...I don't regret the times where I didn't have that for that reason, I think. It reminds me how important it is to have something like that, especially when I'm away from it and things are bad. Maybe I've been thinking about that a lot lately, too.
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ it's the first example that comes to mind, considering the guy admitted to murdering because Why Not He Has Nothing To Go Back To, so ]
no subject
no subject
[ STARES DRAMATICALLY AT THE OCEAN ]
... I can't really relate to that. I think I've always been fighting for something. Looking for an answer.
no subject
Have you found answers? Or are you always just fighting to get there?
no subject
[ as much. ]
no subject
it's why he sees the grip change from ace's hands, and he chooses to veer slightly to the left on the topic. ]
...it's strange how sometimes things happen and it changes the direction you thought things would go. Sometimes you know it's coming, but other times when it catches you off-guard you kind of find yourself rearranging your priorities.
no subject
Yeah. Sort of what happened when I joined with Whitebeard.
no subject
I mean I'd hope things changed even a little going from wanting to fight him all the time to being part of his crew.
no subject
There's that, for one. But it wasn't just him, you know? I wanted to take on the whole world.
[ or die trying, is the implication. ]
no subject
I get that. [ granted, his was more just out of anger at different points in his life but whatever. ] Even knowing it might not be possible, you just keep going for it anyway.
no subject
... I didn't really care, about possible or not. I just had something to prove.
no subject
however. he doesn't verbally reply. he's mostly watching ace curiously, as if prompting him to pick the direction he wants to take that conversation. naturally, nico's curious. but he's also aware there are just some things you don't want people really knowing about you no matter how much you trust them.
(was it presumptuous to think that ace trusted him? it's hard to say. he knows that he himself trusts ace but that doesn't mean it's mutual or at least to the same degree and that's perfectly fair and valid. you don't just give away trust easily.) ]
no subject
so. partial truth; ]
The world never wanted me. [ it's said a little wry. ] And I kind of hated it right back. When I set off, I wanted to... prove myself. Burn it all down, maybe. But I didn't have anything I wanted to change things to. I was just aiming for the top with no direction, without understanding what it was. I thought defeating Whitebeard would make me better than he was.
But it's more than just strength.
no subject
which is a tactic nico himself uses, and maybe it's not the same. maybe ace has his own reasons.
"the world never wanted me."
"i might as well be covered in blood or sewage, the way people treat me. i don’t belong anywhere."
he doesn't necessarily disagree with the thought process, either. sometimes when the world doesn't want you, you just have to...force your way through. you do what you can to survive knowing the world will always be against you and knowing your choices may not be celebrated by anyone else. but who cares, right? when you just want to prove that maybe... ]
It's easy to hate a world that hates you for who you are. [ is what he says first, calm and steady and not really looking at ace. ] I think it's much harder to learn how to love in spite of that, and even then it's not something everyone tries to do. If the world doesn't want you to have a place in it, why shouldn't you do whatever it takes to show that you can belong no matter the cost? If only because it's unfair other people get to make that judgment for you.
[ hm. ] What was it then if it wasn't just strength? [ what did ace learn, he means. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)