this is extremely overwhelming, thanks. he's just kind of standing at the entrance with wide eyes, not quite sure where he's supposed to be going from here? he kind of wants to turn around and leave, but he's on a mission.
it also means he's probably in ponta's way, so he turns and suddenly jumps in surprise upon seeing him. ]
Oh, Ponta. Hey. [ ...good start, nico. ] Kind of a huge selection to go through, right?
[ Honestly, Nico? He feels it. Why is there so much stuff here and how is anybody supposed to know the difference between five different types of yellow paint in a tube? (Dimly he's aware that other people would say the same about his collection of baking ingredients but shhh.) ]
You can say that again. I don't even know where to start looking...
Oh, you guys got that one, too? I have no idea how I'm gonna accomplish that one. I have zero artistic talent. [ this may or may not be true. ]
To be honest? I was looking for some things for a present for your leader and I severely underestimated how much stuff exists in an art supplies store. Like. Why are there six different kinds of pencils...? [ but he shakes his head. ]
We may as well look together. It can't be any worse than figuring it out ourselves.
Onward and forward, or whatever. [ but he does seem like marginally happier to have a companion? the thing about it is that nico does like the foxes! he thinks as a group, they're pretty decent people, and it's just that he is a dumbass who is still learning to balance having normal relationships with his peers. it's fine. they will enter the art zone and think fondly of it probably after it gets wrecked on tuesday. ]
Mm...as much as I do think Phoenix probably deserves something as well, this is different. I told Fox I'd thank them properly for providing us with maps on Saturday, and I don't want to go back on that. They like art, but I know tools can be pretty expensive so...it made sense to do something practical for them.
Yeah, their drawings are really neat! They spend a lot of time sketching when we're just hanging out at the dorms.
[ He instantly brightens at the chance to praise Fox! Nico is right that Team Fox is very neat, Ponta's opinion on the matter is totally not biased or anything. ]
They told me they're the one who created all the trading cards we get with the Amazoom purchases, too. They're definitely talented, I'll give them that. [ listen sometimes you are just biased? he won't fault someone for caring about other people. ]
Do you guys actually spend a lot of time together?
...that's...[ kind of cute? he's not sure if that's appropriate to say, but he can kind of understand that all foxes seem to do better with a group. ] A very different experience than us, even if it sounds nice. I'm lucky if I see my teammates some days, but...I guess it's a little different when I don't stay in my dorm all the time.
[ sometimes you just co-exist in two dorms, it's fine. ]
... somewhere between 8 years and 'all of my life'.
[ There's been someone who was there for him who made him feel at home, but he lost that warmth when he was 10. But even then, she wasn't his mother. She had her own family, her own child, and Citrus was just a protegé. It took him too long to understand that. ]
Maybe you should come over for mealtimes sometime - I'm sure Will would be thrilled.
[ there's something about "all of my life" that nico seems to resonate with which means he goes quiet to allow ponta some space to ruminate on that briefly. it feels a little too heavy to immediately ask, but he nods along in understanding. ]
It's a weird place to find something like that, maybe, but...guess this place can't be all that bad. [ thoughtfully. but he smiles a little with the last bit while they're turning a corner and coming face to face with walls of construction paper and watercolors. ]
He asked me once when we first got here. [ and he'd said maybe and will had understood that nico was still trying to get comfortable being around so many strangers. ] But sure, maybe. If both of our teams are going to win then we may as well get to know each other better.
[ There is no mechanism that would allow the victory to two teams, but that doesn't matter here. There is no conceivable world in which Ponta would entertain the idea of Team Fox losing, and there's no world in which Will would leave Nico behind.
So. This has to work out somehow. The alternative is not worth considering. ]
Everyone in Fox would welcome you - they're warm like that. It's honestly kinda impressive. I mean, I try to project that atmosphere but I'm... kinda lying about it. They're just... I think they mean it.
[ haha! there is no mechanism but like that's going to stop nico, really. it's been this way since they set foot in oceanside. phoenix and fox have to tie for the two of them to get home, finally. the thought of leaving behind will after everything they've been through...
well. whatever. that's a thought for later. ]
...fake it til you make it, right? [ he doesn't seem to comment on the fact it's a facade. ] Do you think of yourself as less sincere then? Or just someone still learning how to make the projection true?
[ this is why nico isn't a fox, he does stuff like this. but he does offer a slightly rueful smile like "sorry about that" even if he doesn't back down from the question. ]
...I've come to find that the trick is to surround yourself with people who'll help you get there. Or at least the ones that give you a reason to believe what you're delivering is true and that the parts that aren't quite there aren't as rotten as you think. [ shrug.] But maybe that's just me.
[ It's maybe a bit of a relief. Nico may be gloomy and extremely goth, but overall he strikes Ponta as someone who's got this loving and being loved thing down pat. You'd have to, to be like that with someone like Will, right? ]
[ lol. lmao. he kind of grins at that though and he's picking up a few paintbrushes. ]
To be fair, Will and I have been together for almost a year and we still argue about the art of optimism. [ as you do. ] I'm not always good with being social, even now. Something about needing to work on my people skills? [ fond. and amused. but thoughtful. ] But I can at least try and follow by example every now and then when I know myself better.
[ nico's a good enough person, when people get to really know him, but the problem is he's bad at letting people know him a lot of the time. ]
Huh... I find it easy enough to be social, it's just... making it mean something that's rough.
[ He's spent so much time just doing as he's told and pleasing the people he was meant to please with no real warmth behind it. Now when he sees that warmth elsewhere, it's hard to figure out how he fits into it. ]
But I guess that's the thing - you're not a liar. Being yourself is simply the harder task.
[ that actually gets him to laugh. it's not entirely filled with humor but it is...man. ]
Being yourself is actually one of the hardest things in the world, especially when you've been told you're supposed to be one thing that you don't always want to be. But in the end it does get a little easier. Once you find people who're willing to help you get there and figure out who you actually are.
[ so no. nico's never really been a liar (outside of the times he's had to be), but it's just that he hated being himself for so long that trying to figure out who he currently is has been a Process. ]
[ 'You're supposed to be one thing that you don't always want to be' had Ponta nodding along. It makes sense now why Nico was so supportive when he told him that he'd abandoned his old life in an attempted clean cut. ]
... yeah. That's what Team Fox is doing for me, too. Will's pretty amazing, so it's downright astounding that Fox managed to recruit several people who are this way.
[ yeah! lean into change! don't let your past chain you down! he is still learning that lesson himself but he's always been a little hypocritical that way. ]
Most amazing person I know. And one of the most stubborn. [ haha. ] From what I gather, Team Fox is full of people who'll hype you up even when you can't always understand what they even see in you. And eventually you start believing it and figuring out who you want to be. I think it's pretty amazing myself. You guys are pretty balanced that way.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w3 monday
this is extremely overwhelming, thanks. he's just kind of standing at the entrance with wide eyes, not quite sure where he's supposed to be going from here? he kind of wants to turn around and leave, but he's on a mission.
it also means he's probably in ponta's way, so he turns and suddenly jumps in surprise upon seeing him. ]
Oh, Ponta. Hey. [ ...good start, nico. ] Kind of a huge selection to go through, right?
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You can say that again. I don't even know where to start looking...
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Do you at least know what you're looking for? That's probably a good thing to decide before we get too far. [ safety in numbers, apparently. ]
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[ VERY HARD APPARENTLY. ]
Something easy to use, I guess? You?
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To be honest? I was looking for some things for a present for your leader and I severely underestimated how much stuff exists in an art supplies store. Like. Why are there six different kinds of pencils...? [ but he shakes his head. ]
We may as well look together. It can't be any worse than figuring it out ourselves.
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[ Maybe they'll die in here, between paintbrushes and glitter powder. It's fine. The first step is bravely charging in! ]
A present for Fox, though? Not Phoenix?
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Mm...as much as I do think Phoenix probably deserves something as well, this is different. I told Fox I'd thank them properly for providing us with maps on Saturday, and I don't want to go back on that. They like art, but I know tools can be pretty expensive so...it made sense to do something practical for them.
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[ He instantly brightens at the chance to praise Fox! Nico is right that Team Fox is very neat, Ponta's opinion on the matter is totally not biased or anything. ]
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Do you guys actually spend a lot of time together?
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I'd say so. We make sure to spend most of the meals together as a group. It's really nice... Haven't had something like this in a long time.
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...that's...[ kind of cute? he's not sure if that's appropriate to say, but he can kind of understand that all foxes seem to do better with a group. ] A very different experience than us, even if it sounds nice. I'm lucky if I see my teammates some days, but...I guess it's a little different when I don't stay in my dorm all the time.
[ sometimes you just co-exist in two dorms, it's fine. ]
How long's a long time for you?
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[ There's been someone who was there for him who made him feel at home, but he lost that warmth when he was 10. But even then, she wasn't his mother. She had her own family, her own child, and Citrus was just a protegé. It took him too long to understand that. ]
Maybe you should come over for mealtimes sometime - I'm sure Will would be thrilled.
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It's a weird place to find something like that, maybe, but...guess this place can't be all that bad. [ thoughtfully. but he smiles a little with the last bit while they're turning a corner and coming face to face with walls of construction paper and watercolors. ]
He asked me once when we first got here. [ and he'd said maybe and will had understood that nico was still trying to get comfortable being around so many strangers. ] But sure, maybe. If both of our teams are going to win then we may as well get to know each other better.
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[ There is no mechanism that would allow the victory to two teams, but that doesn't matter here. There is no conceivable world in which Ponta would entertain the idea of Team Fox losing, and there's no world in which Will would leave Nico behind.
So. This has to work out somehow. The alternative is not worth considering. ]
Everyone in Fox would welcome you - they're warm like that. It's honestly kinda impressive. I mean, I try to project that atmosphere but I'm... kinda lying about it. They're just... I think they mean it.
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well. whatever. that's a thought for later. ]
...fake it til you make it, right? [ he doesn't seem to comment on the fact it's a facade. ] Do you think of yourself as less sincere then? Or just someone still learning how to make the projection true?
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[ Ponta has to go quiet to think about it for a moment. How dare Nico make him do serious self reflection in the arts and crafts maze!! ]
Guess I don't think it makes much of a difference, as long as I don't admit to it? Like, if I'm making people smile either way...
[ He shrugs. ]
It'd be nice if the lie was true someday, but I dunno how to get there. So eh.
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...I've come to find that the trick is to surround yourself with people who'll help you get there. Or at least the ones that give you a reason to believe what you're delivering is true and that the parts that aren't quite there aren't as rotten as you think. [ shrug.] But maybe that's just me.
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... you too, hm? I wouldn't really have guessed.
[ It's maybe a bit of a relief. Nico may be gloomy and extremely goth, but overall he strikes Ponta as someone who's got this loving and being loved thing down pat. You'd have to, to be like that with someone like Will, right? ]
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To be fair, Will and I have been together for almost a year and we still argue about the art of optimism. [ as you do. ] I'm not always good with being social, even now. Something about needing to work on my people skills? [ fond. and amused. but thoughtful. ] But I can at least try and follow by example every now and then when I know myself better.
[ nico's a good enough person, when people get to really know him, but the problem is he's bad at letting people know him a lot of the time. ]
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[ He's spent so much time just doing as he's told and pleasing the people he was meant to please with no real warmth behind it. Now when he sees that warmth elsewhere, it's hard to figure out how he fits into it. ]
But I guess that's the thing - you're not a liar. Being yourself is simply the harder task.
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Being yourself is actually one of the hardest things in the world, especially when you've been told you're supposed to be one thing that you don't always want to be. But in the end it does get a little easier. Once you find people who're willing to help you get there and figure out who you actually are.
[ so no. nico's never really been a liar (outside of the times he's had to be), but it's just that he hated being himself for so long that trying to figure out who he currently is has been a Process. ]
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... yeah. That's what Team Fox is doing for me, too. Will's pretty amazing, so it's downright astounding that Fox managed to recruit several people who are this way.
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Most amazing person I know. And one of the most stubborn. [ haha. ] From what I gather, Team Fox is full of people who'll hype you up even when you can't always understand what they even see in you. And eventually you start believing it and figuring out who you want to be. I think it's pretty amazing myself. You guys are pretty balanced that way.