PC: ACE 💀

[resumed]

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[selfimmolation]

[ ah. ]

... That's why you don't want to use it. [ that makes sense, actually. ] It can't be easy being reminded of him like that.

[resumed]

[ it's part of it, but he's not about to tell ace the other part right now because this is already more than he's actually explained to people who aren't will. ]

Yeah. [ both to "that's why" and "it can't be easy." he's also reaching up to pet shame himself suddenly, slowly. ] ...Jason was the first person I really felt like was a friend. I didn't know him for that long, but it was still enough to know he would've done anything for me. And I couldn't even be there to help and try to save him in the end. So coming here and getting one of his powers instead of mine just...

[ it was kind of brutal to realize that, actually. ]

[selfimmolation]

... A friend of mine got killed recently too. [ he keeps it vague because this isn't about him, he's just saying he can relate ] I don't know what I would've done if I'd ended up with his skills. Probably never use them at all, to be honest.

[resumed]

[ there's a brief noise of sympathy to that because. well. people die, but it's still hard when they're close to you. he is none the wiser. ]

...I know I have to use them eventually if we're going to make things work. And I know Jason would probably want me to do what I can to help. But all of it feels wrong right now.

[ there's also the extremely raw memory of seeing his mother again very recently and remembering how he lost her in the first place, so it's been one conflict after another. ]

[selfimmolation]

[ people die when they are killed. ]

He'd want you to help, sure. But I doubt he'd want you to torture yourself about it, too. [ if he was his friend. ] You don't have to be good for it right away. Maybe... try to think of it like he's the one helping you out here instead? Might help make it feel less... raw.

[resumed]

[ revives ace. ]

...no, I don't think he would have either. [ there's a faint huff of amusement, even if it's a sad little thing. ] Even when I tried really hard to push him away, too, all he ever wanted for me was to make me realize I had somewhere I belonged and that I didn't have to be alone. [ he shakes his head a little, letting a finger trace over one of shame's ears. ] At one point in time, Jason was the person who knew more about me than anybody in the world. I know exactly what he'd say about this.

[ "it's your call. i can only tell you people would be there to back you up."

stupid, correct idiot. ]

That's a thought though. Thinking of it that way. Since I can't talk to him myself, I can at least try to think of it like he's training me instead.

[selfimmolation]

He sounds like he was a pretty great guy.

[ this is hilariously familiar and ace feels a bit of a pang but ignores it. ]

I doubt they meant it that way when they gave you that power, but it's sort of like he's still with you now. You can carry on his will, at least. [ there's a pause ] Pun not intended.

[ different non capital will ]

[resumed]

[ get out of here with that icon. he just nods though because yeah. jason was the best. ]

I have no doubt they meant it more as a reminder of certain things rather than something to try and help me, yes. But there's no harm in changing what it might mean. [ it sort of is obvious he straight up did not think about reframing his circumstances and he's just used to suffering. he kind of smiles at the pun though. ]

I can try to do something good. I think I'm okay with that.

[selfimmolation]

[ I ONLY HAVE SO MANY NON-BLEEDING ICONS!!! ]

Glad to hear it. No matter how you get it, how you use this kind of power is always up to you.

[ you choose what to make of it etc ]

[resumed]

[ there's a nod... ]

I did say something similar to the cocoa puffs before they came home with me. Seems hypocritical of me not to listen to that same advice.

[selfimmolation]

...

The cocoa puffs?

[resumed]

[ gestures to shame on his shoulder. ]

Cocoa Puff. They're called cacodemons, but it's not really a great name for them so we've been calling them Cocoa Puffs.

[selfimmolation]

Demons, huh. [ there's nothing wry there. hmmm. holds out his hand for shame to sniff???? does it work like a regular pet he doesn't know ] Does that mean you've got more of these back home?

[resumed]

Yeah. [ shame blinks white, pupiless eyes at ace and chirrups curiously as it shuffles closer. it doesn't necessarily sniff, but it does examine him and seems to vibe contently. ] There's at least another five or so. They could have gone anywhere and they decided to come with me and Will.

[selfimmolation]

Maybe they just liked the attention? [ which, speaking of, he's tentatively moving his hand over to sort of pet shame, slow to make sure not to spook it. ] It seems pretty attached to you and all.

[resumed]

Well. I think more than that they also wanted to escape the situation they were in after I freed them. I couldn't leave them behind when it was obvious they wanted to be saved. [ ace can pet shame, and it feels sort of like he's petting smoke. it's not quite a solid form even though it looks pretty solid on nico's shoulder, but it's smooth and wispy. ]

Lucky for it, I'm a little attached now, too. We're learning to live with each other like this.

[selfimmolation]

[ petting and touching smoke isn't really new for him, so he's not too bothered, though it is weird for it to be living too. it's fun. ]

I had something similar happen once, but mine was just a lynx. [ "just" ] How'd these little guys get trapped anywhere?

[ they're smoke... smoke can go through walls... ]

[resumed]

A...monster lynx? [ that is his understanding suddenly. that seems to be less relevant though because ace is probably the first person to really ask. so nico pauses, trying to decide if he feels like explaining. ]

It's a very long story. But let's just say they were someplace that made them feel beholden to staying. Once we set them free, I gave them the option to make their own choice on where to go. So when we escaped, they escaped with us.

[selfimmolation]

He's a little weird but I dunno that I'd call Kotatsu a monster... More of a coward.

[ well. he is a freak lynx. who is ace to decide. story time is more important ]

They might've felt indebted to you. Or maybe they just liked you because you freed them. But I'm glad you got them out of there.

[resumed]

Fair enough. [ shame rises up a little into ace's hand, and given how nico pauses again it is maybe a little clear that's not the entire story. but it's the entire story he feels like telling right at this moment. ]

Maybe that's it. I don't know. I'm glad, too, though. The thought of leaving them there didn't sit right with me once we realized they didn't want to stay. But I do feel sort of bad this one came with me to Oceanside.

[selfimmolation]

Maybe it just wanted to keep an eye on you to make sure you stayed safe! [ he has no idea what it means that shame rose up but he's still like. attempting to pet smoke, so. he'll keep going on that. ] Snuck in with you on purpose.

[ it's a joke ]

[resumed]

[ the cacodemons are weird they're like petting smoke but they're solid enough for, like, cuddles or attacks so it's some weird half-tangible half-not thing. anyway shame is pleased. ]

Somehow that wouldn't surprise me. It had made a nest in my clothes before I even woke up our first day here.

[ so he had to embarrass himself by running around as pikachu. ]

[selfimmolation]

Is that why you didn't change for a while? [ he cannot talk. but he is. he's laughing as he keeps petting shame. who's a good cocoa puff. yes. ] You didn't want to move it?

[resumed]

[ chirp chirp. nico just lets this happen. ]

It didn't want to when I asked. [ dry. but there's also...a hint of fondness. ] And then I figured it was probably scared it was by itself so I left it alone while I went to see what was happening around the hotel. It made itself too comfortable in the time I was gone though.

[selfimmolation]

I wonder if it's like with animals. They like stuff smelling a certain way, you know?

[ pet pet ]

Your clothes must've been the only thing familiar for the little guy.