[ yeah that's exactly what the cyoa was about, very fun. anyway yeah he blinks in surprise and looks up like he's surprised, sleeve coming up to try and stop the bleeding like a fucking heathen. ]
Sorry. [ he would like to keep his internal blood. anyway. ] No. When we got there, it was some lady none of us knew, and...a creature she was trying to control to do things for her. It was tied up with the same puppet strings that Mob and Bianca were. Reigen went to distract her, and Will and I tried to get high enough to cut the strings.
[ tilting his head back to try and make the nosebleed quit. ]
I think that's about the point everything went badly.
Ugh. [ but he takes the bandages and kind of shoves them at his face to make it stop. it means the rest of this is kind of nasally but it's fine. ]
...okay yeah, so it wasn't going great to begin with. I can admit that. [ god. ] ...Reigen was doing a pretty good job distracting the director while we tried to cut the strings. The creature didn't want to be there, but...I don't know if it trusted us either. But something happened and...suddenly there were three monsters instead of just the one.
[ he would leave it there, but...again. ace privileges. ]
It hurt. Everything just kind of came flooding back, and it hurt, and changing into a form like that sort of felt like being flattened under a thirty-foot building while being lit on fire and drowning underwater. But it was nothing compared to the thoughts that came with it, but...I guess those were familiar, too? It was kind of like being ourselves and not. [ a pause. ] And changing meant that I dropped the pipebomb on Reigen and the director so that didn't help.
... Reigen told me, a little. [ [reigen voice] i'm doxxing the children's trauma ] You, Will and "Nimona". Right?
[ he's frowning at nico in concern. but also. hm ]
Pipebomb's not the best choice for a weapon when you're inside a building, you know. [ it's light in tone, despite ace's expression ] So it messed with your thoughts, too?
That's right. [ if he's bothered by reigen mentioning it, his face gives no tells. ]
I didn't pick up the bomb, that was all Reigen. Will and I only had our swords but we dropped those, too. Along with the shovel, the axe and Chiemi's gun. And the vials... [ he shakes his head. ] Anyway it's...I wouldn't necessarily say it messed with my thoughts. They were still mine, in a way. Just more intensely than I've felt them in a while, and a little more harsh. But for a while it felt difficult to separate my thoughts and what she must have felt.
...in a sense. The things I felt are things that were and were not mine, so I cann only assume that part of them were hers. She was hurting and she was scared and she was angry and all any of us wanted to do was make everyone else hurt, too. So...we did.
[ there's a long pause, and he slowly pulls the bandages away to test his nose. it seems like the bleeding stopped, at least for now. ]
...I wasn't stubborn about Will and Reigen being healed first because I didn't want to heal myself. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of because I knew both of them would prioritize me first without letting many people look at the damage I caused. I've handled pain worse than this. I already knew what I had done to them. I knew that I had acted without caring whether they lived or died. I knew that I wanted them to disappear hoping...that everything else would, too. So when we got back, I didn't want them to have to experience it for much longer.
[ well, he's not one to talk about getting injured and going i have hurt Worse it's Fine, so he won't say anything to that. he could, he's never been above hypocrisy, but he won't, because it's not the point. ]
You felt guilty. [ call out, except it's kind of obvious and nico isn't hiding it, but; ] I'm pretty sure Will and Reigen did, too, you know?
Reigen doesn't have anything to feel guilty for. And Will...I attacked first. He was only defending himself in the end. [ he knows will would probably say something similar though. ] ...I've never wanted to hurt people I care about with my powers. I've been working on getting them under control for years, so losing control like that was...scary? And worse when nothing mattered.
[ he's running his fingers through will's hair idly. ]
I know it wasn't really us. But I still hate that it happened and I couldn't control it myself.
Reigen's the kind of guy who doesn't want younger people to get hurt under his watch.
[ it's important to note because, well, obviously neither of them understand this ideal but ace is very aware reigen has it. ]
I hate that it happened to you guys, too. [ ... ] I get it. Even though you were forced into it, it was still you doing it. Your hands, your power... whatever feelings resonated in you because of that. It'd be impossible to forget.
[ there's no like. conclusion. it sucks, and he's going to feel guilty, and ace doesn't know a solution to that, because it's always going to have happened, and ace's only solution to guilt is to get angry and do things to fix it and in this place, well. there is not much they know how to do to fix anything. ]
...even so. We should have done a better job protecting him. [ ...but he sighs to himself. ] But I can understand that, I think. I should apologize to him again later.
...but yeah, that's it. Even if we were kind of forced into it, the feelings and actions behind it are too close to being my own choice. I'm not going to forget it for a long time. Or, you know, ever. And I guess I don't know where to go from here other than try to keep taking care of both of them.
[ gently baps his knuckles against nico's skulls ]
Dumbass. The last thing he'd want is for you to apologize. [ he doesn't expand on that because that feels like an obvious thing. ] I don't know what you can do, but you shouldn't blame yourself. Any of you. It's this place that did it to you guys again.
[ his multiple skulls. but he's widdle pouty at that. ]
Believe it or not, I never really know how much I can and can't say to Reigen before it gets too weird for him. It's different with you because you know a lot more than most people here, but when I think about telling him things it feels like...
[ ...whatever. ]
But alright, fine. I won't apologize about this anymore and instead we'll figure out how to blow this place up instead.
... You don't like worrying people, and I'm a lot more used to weird stuff. [ he'll skirt part the whole. reigen is a responsible adult and that's weird, because he does feel that. he does. and then he laughs at the last bit ]
It's not--okay, well, yes it is that but it's also I'm used to taking care of things myself. It feels uncomfortable sometimes asking too much from other people.
[ but he ponders. ]
I'd mostly like to figure out why this is happening. Why people are being taken away at all. That's the first thing.
Reigen's pretty human. [ so it's hard to say what his baseline is. ] But he knows some things, so...maybe someday.
[ he's frowning in thought at that. ] I don't know about answers either. We got another paper this time, but I think it's something we need to share with everybody again.
Someday. [ or maybe not because he murdered. idk if that makes nico more or less likely to confide in him ] Group sharing's probably better, so you don't have to repeat yourself as much either.
[ very funny because literally right after this convo he had a really long conversation with reigen so siz is actually the worst. ]
I like group sharing so I don't have to talk as much, you're right. Plus Will and Reigen would be there anyway and they can answer more of the questions. It's...more stuff that doesn't make that much sense to me. But what else is new about this place.
It's always something else to give us a headache. [ ace laughs a little ] You know what Luffy does when he doesn't understand something? Just calls it a mystery thing and moves on. Wish we could do that.
I would love to live life the way your brother does. [ please he wants to think so much less at all times. ] I think I know a few people like that, too. But...guess the only way people like them can exist is if people like us exist, too.
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Sorry. [ he would like to keep his internal blood. anyway. ] No. When we got there, it was some lady none of us knew, and...a creature she was trying to control to do things for her. It was tied up with the same puppet strings that Mob and Bianca were. Reigen went to distract her, and Will and I tried to get high enough to cut the strings.
[ tilting his head back to try and make the nosebleed quit. ]
I think that's about the point everything went badly.
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[ rummages through his pockets and finds leftover? bandages? well. it'll work. he hands it over ]
I can't say it sounded like everything was going well for you guys already. [ so that it went badly after that is... bad. ]
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...okay yeah, so it wasn't going great to begin with. I can admit that. [ god. ] ...Reigen was doing a pretty good job distracting the director while we tried to cut the strings. The creature didn't want to be there, but...I don't know if it trusted us either. But something happened and...suddenly there were three monsters instead of just the one.
[ he would leave it there, but...again. ace privileges. ]
It hurt. Everything just kind of came flooding back, and it hurt, and changing into a form like that sort of felt like being flattened under a thirty-foot building while being lit on fire and drowning underwater. But it was nothing compared to the thoughts that came with it, but...I guess those were familiar, too? It was kind of like being ourselves and not. [ a pause. ] And changing meant that I dropped the pipebomb on Reigen and the director so that didn't help.
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[ he's frowning at nico in concern. but also. hm ]
Pipebomb's not the best choice for a weapon when you're inside a building, you know. [ it's light in tone, despite ace's expression ] So it messed with your thoughts, too?
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I didn't pick up the bomb, that was all Reigen. Will and I only had our swords but we dropped those, too. Along with the shovel, the axe and Chiemi's gun. And the vials... [ he shakes his head. ] Anyway it's...I wouldn't necessarily say it messed with my thoughts. They were still mine, in a way. Just more intensely than I've felt them in a while, and a little more harsh. But for a while it felt difficult to separate my thoughts and what she must have felt.
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...in a sense. The things I felt are things that were and were not mine, so I cann only assume that part of them were hers. She was hurting and she was scared and she was angry and all any of us wanted to do was make everyone else hurt, too. So...we did.
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... And that's how you guys ended up hurting each other. [ that makes sense. ] Lashing out at everything without thought.
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...I wasn't stubborn about Will and Reigen being healed first because I didn't want to heal myself. I wanted to make sure they were taken care of because I knew both of them would prioritize me first without letting many people look at the damage I caused. I've handled pain worse than this. I already knew what I had done to them. I knew that I had acted without caring whether they lived or died. I knew that I wanted them to disappear hoping...that everything else would, too. So when we got back, I didn't want them to have to experience it for much longer.
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You felt guilty. [ call out, except it's kind of obvious and nico isn't hiding it, but; ] I'm pretty sure Will and Reigen did, too, you know?
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Reigen doesn't have anything to feel guilty for. And Will...I attacked first. He was only defending himself in the end. [ he knows will would probably say something similar though. ] ...I've never wanted to hurt people I care about with my powers. I've been working on getting them under control for years, so losing control like that was...scary? And worse when nothing mattered.
[ he's running his fingers through will's hair idly. ]
I know it wasn't really us. But I still hate that it happened and I couldn't control it myself.
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[ it's important to note because, well, obviously neither of them understand this ideal but ace is very aware reigen has it. ]
I hate that it happened to you guys, too. [ ... ] I get it. Even though you were forced into it, it was still you doing it. Your hands, your power... whatever feelings resonated in you because of that. It'd be impossible to forget.
[ there's no like. conclusion. it sucks, and he's going to feel guilty, and ace doesn't know a solution to that, because it's always going to have happened, and ace's only solution to guilt is to get angry and do things to fix it and in this place, well. there is not much they know how to do to fix anything. ]
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...but yeah, that's it. Even if we were kind of forced into it, the feelings and actions behind it are too close to being my own choice. I'm not going to forget it for a long time. Or, you know, ever. And I guess I don't know where to go from here other than try to keep taking care of both of them.
[ all of this is to say...same hat. ]
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Dumbass. The last thing he'd want is for you to apologize. [ he doesn't expand on that because that feels like an obvious thing. ] I don't know what you can do, but you shouldn't blame yourself. Any of you. It's this place that did it to you guys again.
[ [ace voice] destroy the world instead ]
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Believe it or not, I never really know how much I can and can't say to Reigen before it gets too weird for him. It's different with you because you know a lot more than most people here, but when I think about telling him things it feels like...
[ ...whatever. ]
But alright, fine. I won't apologize about this anymore and instead we'll figure out how to blow this place up instead.
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... You don't like worrying people, and I'm a lot more used to weird stuff. [ he'll skirt part the whole. reigen is a responsible adult and that's weird, because he does feel that. he does. and then he laughs at the last bit ]
Yeah. That's the spirit.
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It's not--okay, well, yes it is that but it's also I'm used to taking care of things myself. It feels uncomfortable sometimes asking too much from other people.
[ but he ponders. ]
I'd mostly like to figure out why this is happening. Why people are being taken away at all. That's the first thing.
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[ but ace isn't? huh. ]
Yeah, I guess answers are what we should look for first. But I'm no good at that kind of thing. [ give him something to punch please. free him. ]
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[ he's frowning in thought at that. ] I don't know about answers either. We got another paper this time, but I think it's something we need to share with everybody again.
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I like group sharing so I don't have to talk as much, you're right. Plus Will and Reigen would be there anyway and they can answer more of the questions. It's...more stuff that doesn't make that much sense to me. But what else is new about this place.
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I would love to live life the way your brother does. [ please he wants to think so much less at all times. ] I think I know a few people like that, too. But...guess the only way people like them can exist is if people like us exist, too.
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Are you counting yourself in those people?
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