[ well. when she arrives at the beach she'll find there's a trail of white lilies in the sand. and then he spots her and her little form and her broken hand and he kind of wants to rip his hair out because what else went wrong today. ]
Oh my gods. Come here. [ he's just holding an arm out for her so he can pick her up? if she'll allow it. ]
[ yeah that's. what he thought. he's scooping her up and she's not actually a child, he knows this, he knows she's still very herself but he's busy propping her up on his hip like he would an actual child and holding her closer. ]
Stop. Talk to me. [ it's not so much a demand as it is trying to cut through her thoughts in a tone that seems to say he already knows what this is about. ] Let me see your hand.
[ he's just assessing how badly it's broken and if there's anything he can do for it right now, giving himself something to focus on because he had a feeling this question was coming. ]
...yes. Not long ago. [ he doesn't say more than that, giving her space to continue for a moment. ]
[ ...he is just turning and he's going to start walking off the beach with nimona in tow. white lillies continue to sprout under him as he walks. ]
Because someone else told him to. [ it's not dismissive, because he's angry, too. ace died because danny didn't speak up, because danny lied in the trial, or at least he's the one who pointed out ace was the other killer. but. but... ] Not...the note Ace got. Someone else instructed him to kill Reigen or face punishment, and he wasn't allowed to say who or why.
[ he should have told us sooner. he should have been more forthright about it. he shouldn't have led us all to believe things were fine and we were overthinking. but this game... ]
she clings to him. with both hands, broken one too. it hurts the way it should. she's just. processing, she's trying to reconcile that, and then, a little desperately:]
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that, Nico?
I don't know. [ honestly. he literally has no fucking idea, and the frustration leaks into his tone as they make their way back to phoenix dorm. ] I'm not...it's not an excuse. It still happened. We still lost both of those people. [ and there are certain things danny said to him that he does not mention for good reason. but more importantly: ]
I'm not telling you to forgive him. That's a choice you have to make yourself, and I don't even know if forgiveness is an option. But knowing that he was told to do it because it's a part of this stupid game changes the context just a little.
[there's - the thing is, there's no release, from that. if he'd just picked to do it, if it'd just been him, it'd be easier. but of course it isn't. of course it wasn't his choice. and of course she can't be mad.
it still happened. he still looked for every way to save himself, for a way to throw ace under the bus, and ace still died, and she still had to watch ace drown himself and danny still built a treehouse with her and she still saw reigen's heart all over the floor and had to see nico's face when he realized it, and the shitty thing is, wouldn't she? wouldn't she try to save herself? would she? or would she just give herself over?
she doesn't think she can separate those parts. not yet.
she rests her head on nico's shoulder and doesn't say anything.]
[ he lets her rest there, one hand holding her up and the other coming up to smooth her hair back a little and keep her head there while they're walking.
it's a lot to process and this close up she can probably see his own eyes are rimmed red as he focuses on where they're going and seems to be concentrating, to figure out what to say to her. ]
she's holding onto him so tightly. this form is a blessing for a lot of reasons, but the fact that she feels less stupid for holding onto him like this is the biggest one right now.]
I knew I wasn't stupid. [she hiccups, but it's more angry than anything.] Nobody else could've done it. I had his power.
[ it's fine, to be quite honest her crying is probably the reason he's not and he's grateful for that even though his eyes itch and his head is throbbing a little. but as always his primary focus is other people. his primary focus is on this girl he's come to love as his own family, someone who knew just how hard it was to trust and what it meant for that trust to be shattered in an instance and how hard it would be to ever rebuild it to what it was, if it could be.
by now they're approaching the dorms, and he's keeping his grip on her tight and holding her as he enters phoenix and swipes to call for the elevator. ]
I know. One of the first times I ever spoke to him he pulled me through the roof of that capsule hotel. We were scouting together. I even told Ace that...when it's a power you're used to having, you know what your limitations are and what you can do. If he was under the effect of 1000%, it only made sense things went too far.
[ and i know he feels guilty. i know he's upset. but does that change the fact that it happened? i don't know yet.
he leads her into the dorm and immediately carries her to his bathroom, white lilies still blossoming with each step and he's very pointedly avoiding looking at the bedroom next to his. he doesn't bother to put her down, but he crouches to grab a first aid kit and opening it to look for some supplies. disinfectant. tweezers. etc. ]
[that's the thing, too. she's gotten so far, here, with people. she's put her trust in people just like her, and for the most part, they haven't let her down. and she knows there are circumstances to this, but it's like having a rug pulled out from her. it took so long to get to a point where she could be friendly with danny.
it's the thing that gets her the most. she believed him. because she believed him, ace drowned. it feels a little like her fault.
she had such an uneventful weekend. she was okay, she was trying - she didn't want it to be like this, but the revelation ripped the bandages off and made all her wounds start bleeding again. it's not even closure. it just sucks.
she watches the lilies behind nico as he walks.]
I'm sorry. [she mumbles.] It's just another thing on top of so much things for you.
[ it's only when he opens the kit that he realizes he can't really treat her hand this way. so he does put her down on the counter and he grabs a wet cloth to try and clean any damage first before taking her hand to see how swollen it is and where the wood slivers are.
he'd spiraled on his own when danny told him, with that same little bit of guilt for trusting him. like trusting him lead to the demise of other friends, which, like, yeah. losing people is nico's life story and for a moment he doesn't say anything. one more kick in the dick for the end of the week, apparently.
isn't that the way? you get a good thing of talking to friends you miss, followed by a bad thing of finding out how a friend betrayed you. ]
I can't have that conversation right now. [ which is more honest than usual, but it's "let me take care of you" and "i'm too overwhelmed to think about me" in one. ] ...tell me what you're thinking about all of this. Especially when we still have a few more weeks to go.
[she lets him sit her down. she's kind of a bit rag-dolly right now, but she'll sit up and she'll let him look at her hand, like. it's just fractured a bit, it's not bad. she punched a doorframe, essentially.
she closes her eyes when he says the first bit - not flinching, just sort of like, scrunching a bit. and then:]
I'm not going to kill him. [she says, with a little wet sniff. i'm not a monster.] I shifted to this for a reason.
[ baby. it's fine he's sort of just moving her around at will so she can be propped up and comfortable while he starts working on fishing out slivers. a fracture isn't bad, somehow when you said broken hand i imagined much worse. but also. baby. ]
I didn't think you would. [ almost serenely, briefly eyeing that bubble before letting it go. ] I know you better than that. But it's frustrating to not really be able to do anything about it now that he told us. Not that hurting him back is an answer. That's never an answer in a game like this. [ he pauses, working on the splinters. ] Stay in that form as long as you want. Or...it probably only lasts the normal hour, huh? You get it.
...I'm not telling you to forgive him. But I'm going to talk about him a little bit. Okay?
[she lets him do whatever - her hair is long and keeps draping into her face. also i originally was going to have it be much worse but i changed my mind, so. it's fine.]
It's just the hour. [she mumbles. her thoughts are disjointed again, the way they always are, and there's a wisp of i don't want to and i don't know if he did anything wrong and kill him -- no.]
[ shoves a remedy down her throat--no. it's fine. he's going to try to do this the mortal way because unbeknownst to everybody else he actually has been reading on first aid techniques. it's annoying, but effective. ]
...how much do you know about what's happened to him, actually?
[ she can stare at the floor. he's just working on her hand still. ]
Yup...there's another Danny Fenton out there. A "better" version that he can't quite emulate, and the one he kind of lives in the shadow of. We've talked about it a little. About...trying to get a second chance and life a better life since he can't really go back to his other one. I think he wanted to try, but he's been scared. Of letting people get closer, or trusting people, or being vulnerable enough to take that chance.
Sometimes I think he struggles in the same way you and I do where we want to be better than people have thought we were. He's just not at the same level yet. [ this isn't an excuse though, and his tone indicates it. ] ...he told me he wouldn't have killed anybody if he hadn't been told to do it, because he was scared of ruining what he was trying to rebuild for himself. And I do believe that. But it's hard to know where to go from here, because knowing that doesn't change that these things happened, or that we had to experience those losses. Or that our friends had to experience those deaths.
I think that's why I don't really know how to feel or what to do yet.
[there's something like a hissy fit building in her that she's trying to swallow down.
he got told, she reminds herself, he didn't do it of his own volition, he had to. it's the fault of - whoever told him to. but there's scratchy images of ace in jail, crying, and disjointed thoughts that form something along the lines of a circular argument. i hate this, i'm not supposed to hate this, i want to make him hurt, you're not supposed to hurt anybody.
so many people gave her chances. she should give danny a second one. she should.
[ he's just going to wrap her hand to try and help with the fracture once he finishes removing the splinters. ]
Not allowing yourself to feel how you want to feel about it isn't healthy. But acting on your first instinct isn't either. And it's awful to try and figure out what you're supposed to do when all you want to do is react. Like I said. I'm not saying you have to forgive him. You don't even have to take any of what I said into consideration. I'm not here to sway your feelings.
What I am here for is for you to figure it out with me until we know how to move forward.
[she says, maybe a bit angry, a bit snappy. defensive, because it's what she hears when he says don't act on your first instinct. she realizes it's probably not fair to be angry at nico, though, and she just exhales, harsh. her head hurts.]
... I don't. I don't think I can.
[forgive him, she means. maybe it'll change if they can get everybody back, but there's too much about this that feels like a betrayal that she's not built to get over. so many people have hurt her in her long life that it's hard to go back.]
[ he's not exactly fast enough to hide his surprised and kind of hurt expression when she says that because that's not what he was thinking, but...he can't really blame her for thinking that way either. so he doesn't call her on it, finishing what he's doing and looking at his work instead of her. ]
That's fine. [ he's not going to force her to. that's between them, and he hasn't even really properly sorted his own feelings on it or if he can forgive danny either. ] ...think you can at least try to work with him enough to help bring everybody back? We might need everyone to cooperate enough when the moon strikes.
[ he wouldn't blame her if she said no to that, too, but he wants to get a read on it. ]
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Oh my gods. Come here. [ he's just holding an arm out for her so he can pick her up? if she'll allow it. ]
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her thought bubbles just pop the fuck off it's just disjointed kill him and no reigen asked you not to and KILL HIM and LIED TO ME]
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Stop. Talk to me. [ it's not so much a demand as it is trying to cut through her thoughts in a tone that seems to say he already knows what this is about. ] Let me see your hand.
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she lets him see her hand, tries to like. make her mouth work.]
Did he tell you.
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...yes. Not long ago. [ he doesn't say more than that, giving her space to continue for a moment. ]
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He let - he let -- [oooooogh] Ace died because --
[he lied to me he let me build a treehouse with him he should've told me]
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Because someone else told him to. [ it's not dismissive, because he's angry, too. ace died because danny didn't speak up, because danny lied in the trial, or at least he's the one who pointed out ace was the other killer. but. but... ] Not...the note Ace got. Someone else instructed him to kill Reigen or face punishment, and he wasn't allowed to say who or why.
[ he should have told us sooner. he should have been more forthright about it. he shouldn't have led us all to believe things were fine and we were overthinking. but this game... ]
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she clings to him. with both hands, broken one too. it hurts the way it should. she's just. processing, she's trying to reconcile that, and then, a little desperately:]
What the fuck am I supposed to do with that, Nico?
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I'm not telling you to forgive him. That's a choice you have to make yourself, and I don't even know if forgiveness is an option. But knowing that he was told to do it because it's a part of this stupid game changes the context just a little.
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it still happened. he still looked for every way to save himself, for a way to throw ace under the bus, and ace still died, and she still had to watch ace drown himself and danny still built a treehouse with her and she still saw reigen's heart all over the floor and had to see nico's face when he realized it, and the shitty thing is, wouldn't she? wouldn't she try to save herself? would she? or would she just give herself over?
she doesn't think she can separate those parts. not yet.
she rests her head on nico's shoulder and doesn't say anything.]
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it's a lot to process and this close up she can probably see his own eyes are rimmed red as he focuses on where they're going and seems to be concentrating, to figure out what to say to her. ]
...he did activate 1000%. That's how it happened.
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she's holding onto him so tightly. this form is a blessing for a lot of reasons, but the fact that she feels less stupid for holding onto him like this is the biggest one right now.]
I knew I wasn't stupid. [she hiccups, but it's more angry than anything.] Nobody else could've done it. I had his power.
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by now they're approaching the dorms, and he's keeping his grip on her tight and holding her as he enters phoenix and swipes to call for the elevator. ]
I know. One of the first times I ever spoke to him he pulled me through the roof of that capsule hotel. We were scouting together. I even told Ace that...when it's a power you're used to having, you know what your limitations are and what you can do. If he was under the effect of 1000%, it only made sense things went too far.
[ and i know he feels guilty. i know he's upset. but does that change the fact that it happened? i don't know yet.
he leads her into the dorm and immediately carries her to his bathroom, white lilies still blossoming with each step and he's very pointedly avoiding looking at the bedroom next to his. he doesn't bother to put her down, but he crouches to grab a first aid kit and opening it to look for some supplies. disinfectant. tweezers. etc. ]
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it's the thing that gets her the most. she believed him. because she believed him, ace drowned. it feels a little like her fault.
she had such an uneventful weekend. she was okay, she was trying - she didn't want it to be like this, but the revelation ripped the bandages off and made all her wounds start bleeding again. it's not even closure. it just sucks.
she watches the lilies behind nico as he walks.]
I'm sorry. [she mumbles.] It's just another thing on top of so much things for you.
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he'd spiraled on his own when danny told him, with that same little bit of guilt for trusting him. like trusting him lead to the demise of other friends, which, like, yeah. losing people is nico's life story and for a moment he doesn't say anything. one more kick in the dick for the end of the week, apparently.
isn't that the way? you get a good thing of talking to friends you miss, followed by a bad thing of finding out how a friend betrayed you. ]
I can't have that conversation right now. [ which is more honest than usual, but it's "let me take care of you" and "i'm too overwhelmed to think about me" in one. ] ...tell me what you're thinking about all of this. Especially when we still have a few more weeks to go.
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she closes her eyes when he says the first bit - not flinching, just sort of like, scrunching a bit. and then:]
I'm not going to kill him. [she says, with a little wet sniff. i'm not a monster.] I shifted to this for a reason.
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I didn't think you would. [ almost serenely, briefly eyeing that bubble before letting it go. ] I know you better than that. But it's frustrating to not really be able to do anything about it now that he told us. Not that hurting him back is an answer. That's never an answer in a game like this. [ he pauses, working on the splinters. ] Stay in that form as long as you want. Or...it probably only lasts the normal hour, huh? You get it.
...I'm not telling you to forgive him. But I'm going to talk about him a little bit. Okay?
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It's just the hour. [she mumbles. her thoughts are disjointed again, the way they always are, and there's a wisp of i don't want to and i don't know if he did anything wrong and kill him -- no.]
Okay.
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...how much do you know about what's happened to him, actually?
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Yup...there's another Danny Fenton out there. A "better" version that he can't quite emulate, and the one he kind of lives in the shadow of. We've talked about it a little. About...trying to get a second chance and life a better life since he can't really go back to his other one. I think he wanted to try, but he's been scared. Of letting people get closer, or trusting people, or being vulnerable enough to take that chance.
Sometimes I think he struggles in the same way you and I do where we want to be better than people have thought we were. He's just not at the same level yet. [ this isn't an excuse though, and his tone indicates it. ] ...he told me he wouldn't have killed anybody if he hadn't been told to do it, because he was scared of ruining what he was trying to rebuild for himself. And I do believe that. But it's hard to know where to go from here, because knowing that doesn't change that these things happened, or that we had to experience those losses. Or that our friends had to experience those deaths.
I think that's why I don't really know how to feel or what to do yet.
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he got told, she reminds herself, he didn't do it of his own volition, he had to. it's the fault of - whoever told him to. but there's scratchy images of ace in jail, crying, and disjointed thoughts that form something along the lines of a circular argument. i hate this, i'm not supposed to hate this, i want to make him hurt, you're not supposed to hurt anybody.
so many people gave her chances. she should give danny a second one. she should.
her fingers on both hands flex and unflex.]
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Not allowing yourself to feel how you want to feel about it isn't healthy. But acting on your first instinct isn't either. And it's awful to try and figure out what you're supposed to do when all you want to do is react. Like I said. I'm not saying you have to forgive him. You don't even have to take any of what I said into consideration. I'm not here to sway your feelings.
What I am here for is for you to figure it out with me until we know how to move forward.
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[she says, maybe a bit angry, a bit snappy. defensive, because it's what she hears when he says don't act on your first instinct. she realizes it's probably not fair to be angry at nico, though, and she just exhales, harsh. her head hurts.]
... I don't. I don't think I can.
[forgive him, she means. maybe it'll change if they can get everybody back, but there's too much about this that feels like a betrayal that she's not built to get over. so many people have hurt her in her long life that it's hard to go back.]
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That's fine. [ he's not going to force her to. that's between them, and he hasn't even really properly sorted his own feelings on it or if he can forgive danny either. ] ...think you can at least try to work with him enough to help bring everybody back? We might need everyone to cooperate enough when the moon strikes.
[ he wouldn't blame her if she said no to that, too, but he wants to get a read on it. ]
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